Note to self: Begging is not co-creating

Funny how a simple statement like the headline above has to be learned. Last week Friday I discovered all three dogs had cattle ticks deep in their ears. In the past they have had to go under anesthesia to remove ticks from the ear drum. Expensive time consuming, hard on the animal, and disruptive. Situations like these can bring on a mild panic. My regular vet was out of town so I had to make some calls. Finally I found a place that would take all three dogs. Small miracle! As a friend put it, I did a great job of co-creating to make that happen, through a passionate heart. (I love feedback like that.) So far so good.

As the day unfolded, what would normally be a stressful situation was somehow okay. I noticed a small tug when I felt panic rising about what could be an expensive, time consuming aftercare nightmare. This tug I felt made me feel more grounded. More calm. I gave credit to this new feeling to meditating regularly using Headspace. (Thanks Judy!) Meditating is relatively new for me and without the Headspace app, it would not be possible. As a result I am making progress in handling what life throws me. I am continually finding places to improve that will help me feel more grounded in all situations. Life takes practice. Often one small step at a time.

After the vet visit, in my rush to get back home, I realized one dog had no ticks but still had ear problems and I had not discussed it with the vet. The pain would send my dog rocketing across the room in a fright. Through the weekend we were unable to sleep. Monday I took him to the vet again, and we decided to have him neutered while he was under anesthesia for the ear checkup. It was long overdue and would be nice to get that out of the way.

Life can be stressful with a recovering animal. This particular pet goes into freakout mode so easily. I live 42 miles from work (one way). I spend time planning and making sure everything’s hunky dory so I can care for my pets and fit the rest of life in there somehow. I can’t run an errand or grocery shop with a pet in the car it’s too hot here yet. Too much activity wears me out. I needed to be able to care for my dog, Goat Cheese, and have a clear mind for my job. (Cochise is his name, but it’s hard for many to pronounce, so we call him Goat Cheese.) I had already taken most of Friday off for the first dog emergency and I felt bad about having to take more time off. Time to talk to Spirit.

As I was driving to the vet to pick up Goat Cheese after his surgery, I was talking to Spirit asking “Please make sure everything is great….so I don’t freak out. So I can handle it.” But I stopped mid sentence and changed my mind altogether. My plea did not sound right. I thought, hey let’s do it a new way instead. Let’s confirm with Spirit that I will handle anything that comes my way. Small changes can bring big results. My new wording was a complete reversal. Asking for things to be okay is begging and that didn’t feel right to me. By changing my verbiage, I am affirming with with Spirit that I will be able to handle anything, as in “I can do this.” This felt much more positive, light and happy. In fact it felt very freeing! I was filled with confidence and I was happy! You can’t help but be happy when you know you can handle anything. This was a way of positively anticipating feelings of groundlessness or anything contrary to the norm. More growth!

Spiritually minded people know the time of duality is ending and oneness is coming. But right now we are all in the trenches, and life is going to present us with a lot of chaos. No one wants this. We all want a relatively stress free life. But we all know that is not how life is at the moment. Anything that is out of sync, possibly stressful can be upsetting emotionally. We all want to go back to our normal routine for that feeling of safety and security. For me, I hate it when any of my animals is sick or hurt. They are my kids. It is another Achilles Heel. Since I teach others to handle life with grace and ease, I ought to practice what I preach. I realized mid-sentence that begging is not a great way of co-creating. To ask or beg is to be in reactive mode, not in co-creative mode. Now we’re cooking with gas! This changes everything. It empowers, thrills and delights!

Having blogged about this previously, it can’t hurt to remind my readers that putting new habits into practice can be an ongoing process. It takes time to make a new behavior and a new mindset and way of life. No one is perfect, especially me!

“For years I have read about, and really tried integrating this mindfulness into everyday life. But life has a way of making you rushed and crazy sometimes…It’s going to take some time for it to really come home to roost. I’m not yet at the point of 24/7 mindfulness or totally unstressed life. But, coming a little closer to it doesn’t suck!”

I also recently talked about the obvious solution to feeling rushed off your feet here, so why am I still needing to improve when I already know the answer?  Because I am a spiritual being in human body. We need time to really incorporate things we know (intellectually) into our lives until we get it on a whole other level, a soul level. Practice makes perfect, unless you have an a-ha moment. That’s instant!

Learning to handle stressful situations by dumping the idea of being panicked is something I will work on until I get it. It’s all I have talked about to others: Living in the moment, being the author of your life, dropping the worry, not jumping to conclusions, trusting that Spirit has my back, flipping it, and so on. This time I was a little closer. I felt a little better and a little more grounded. Good co-creating means learning to tackle your demons along the way. Tackling these demons can become some of the most freeing moments of your life.

Letting go of waiting

I think I was born to wait on others. Something that has my adult self wondering if I am an inflexible stick-in-the-mud of some sort. See the article My Kryptonite and Expect the Unexpected. I don’t want to be strict about it, and I want to have a very flexible attitude and outlook. But sometimes I really feel tested.

When I was younger, around grade school age or earlier, I waited endless nights for my dad to come home from work. I recall watching headlights go by hour after hour wishing so hard that the next set of lights would turn the corner and into our driveway. Wishing did not make it so. I remember feeling so confused and crushed by this, and as a child, ‘high functioning alcoholic’ was not in my vocabulary.

Now that I have my own place I like things to happen in my own time, on my schedule. It is wonderful and dreamy! Let me tell you, I love being free. Yes, I crave company just like anyone else. But when you are expecting someone and they don’t show or don’t communicate…my blood boils. I guess you could say it’s one of my red, shiny buttons. We don’t like having our buttons pushed, yet we all have them.

Now, don’t get the idea I am so inflexible that it’s not okay to show up. I understand things happen. Life has a way of interrupting our plans. Flat tires happen, as do a change of plans, people get sick, they are delayed, or some other emergency happens. I get it.

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” —John Lennon

It’s just never okay to not show up without some sort of communication about it. To me it is an great lack of respect. Anything is better than to be left hanging. Nothing is worse than to be that invisible, forgotten person. Ah, that’s the point of my frustration! Back to the I’m invisible mantra that dogged me most of my life. When it came to my waiting on dad, that was never really resolved. As a child I had to be invisible during the rants and arguments going on between my parents. On the other hand I craved his attention as any child wants to have a daddy. He was not able to fulfill anything on that level for me, or any of us kids for that matter. If he had more time on the planet, I think that might have been explored a bit. But he died relatively young.

You would think that by now I would have slain this old dragon, who probably is so old his whiskers are dragging on the ground and he has to use a cane to get around. But I know when something still bugs me (or comes up) it’s in my life for a reason. I have to follow my own advice and think on why lessons repeat. I still have something to learn from this. The key is something still needs exploring—about me, or about the process—not about the other person involved. It’s not on them to fix a thing. I need to change my energy about it. That has to be brought to the next level up.

I am being triggered, but am also feeling inflexible, reactive, and should not let anyone else have this much power over me. I feel really silly, like I am back in child mode because the feeling doesn’t dissipate in seconds, like I want it to. Even though I intellectually know I have to let go, be more flexible and live in the moment, the feeling of irritation lingers.  Maybe that is natural even in the letting go process? Maybe the letting go of anything feelings happens in stages.

On a good note, a friend was with me that day, and was very understanding and supportive. Let me tell you that was a welcoming experience, and it was much appreciated! Being supported when you experience groundless and helpless feelings is really an act of love. I am in gratitude!

I will have to dig deeper and get over that feeling of not being in control, of being ignored, and that whole bundle of items that pop up. I must learn to be truly happy in the moment no matter what unexpected things occur. For me that will be a lifetime practice. It must be an art form to let go of waiting. 

This blog is a forum where life’s ups and downs can be explored and discussed. Please add to the discussion your experiences, thoughts, and ruminations!

 

Divine Right Timing

Or thought of another way, you can’t do anything wrong. I learned this saying, this idea, when I was at an evening talk in Albuquerque some years back. It stuck with me and rang true. The idea is, there is no such thing as a coincidence. It’s meant to be. Everything happens at the right time, even if it seems to you that things are going wrong, or you are running late. I’ve heard this many times, and through experience I have come to trust and believe in it.

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Remember this especially when you feel you made mistakes, or are running late, or even can’t make a date you said you could. All things from Spirit come with Divine Right Timing. Always. This is a sort of get out of jail free card in terms of worry. Stop worrying if your late arrival somewhere, or you lack of being able to do such and such is a terrible tragedy or is in some way wrong. It isn’t. Stop worrying. Spirit has your back. You did nothing wrong.

If you still feel bad about being late, or missing a connection of some sort, or not achieving a personal goal by a certain age, time, etc. realize that there is a divine plan, and you are part of it. You just can’t see the whole picture. If you are worried about something not happening at the right time, or are not sure what to ask for, always add the phrase, …with divine right timing. Then let go and be patient.

 

My kryptonite

For someone who teaches classes about dealing with Chaos and Drama, and relaxing and going with the Universal Flow, I need to practice more what I preach. For me going to an airport, through security, and especially flying, really freak me out. Handling it as best I can is a huge challenge. Employing what I have learned to drop any fear, anxiety and worry, and pick up on the ‘go with the flow’ good attitude is hard in my most fearful situation. So at least I can stay connected to my students in that we are all human, we all have flaws, have problem areas, none of us is perfect. Especially me! You could say that being in an airport, and being at the mercy of someone else, especially turbulence and landing, are the perfect learning ground for me.

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I can sit in traffic for hours and never mind being unable to get through, or having a long wait, or a long-unknown detour. But there is something about the total lack of control of being at the mercy of the airlines, getting one delay after the other. Getting a text message every hour telling me of another unexplained two-hour delay felt like the movie Groundhog Day. At least I had my Continue reading

Don’t avoid that dreaded thing, really

Yup. Guess how much time you spend dreading something rather than just doing it? A lot. Meetings, a phone call, sending an email, cleaning the house, doing the dishes, going to that reunion, etc. Whatever it is, I promise you if you are dreading the task, it is best to get it out of the way quickly or accept that it is in your future and stop the dread.

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Case in point, I used to dread doing the dishes by hand every night. Where I live the water is so hard, your fancy dishwasher will last about a year. It helps being just one person so dishes don’t pile up. But also being just one person means no one else can help me do those nasty dishes. Dang! So, one day I had been thinking and thinking how much I hated doing those dishes, but they must be done so it does not compound (more dishes). An experiment was in order. I drew a sink full of soapy water and noted the time. Taking care to do a good job, not be in a hurry, so my experiment would be true to my everyday life. Usually I also wipe all the counters and give the stove Continue reading

Flipping It: A tool for change

I don’t know who coined the term of flipping it, but it’s the best idea since sliced bread, or since bread itself! The basic idea is to flip negatives into positives. Sometimes you have to search for them and do a little thinking in order to make the flip. The quicker you take this to heart, the better! Based on the Law of Attraction, you don’t want to spin into negativity, as that only creates more, and then  you are into that whole churning miasma of doom. You are a sender and receiver of energy and vibes. Being and feeling positive at your core is important. Attracting more positive energy is the ticket to things running smoothly. It’s like going with the flow instead of trying to rail against What Is. Swimming against the current is tiring and not productive. Remember, energy flows where attention goes. I could say it a hundred ways! Having a positive outlook and vibe means things will fall into place.

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Case in point, a good friend of mine was in a terrible job. She spent a long time getting a better education and looking for new work. Eventually she got a new job. However, when I spoke to her she told me she was more miserable in this job than the last one! As she listed her complaints, those complaints spilled out into her personal life, and into everything. I knew she could not see this, but anyone within listening distance could tell this person was totally miserable. I knew this was something that could be changed quickly if it was desired. What I wanted to tell my friend was, life does not have to be that hard. I wanted my friend to be happy!  Continue reading

Jumping to conclusions

As an avid thinker and worrier, I am finding more and more that I jump to conclusions too quickly. They are often the wrong conclusions and the worst case scenario. This is not good for manifesting and co-creating a great life. Being divorced (I’d like to call it single) means I have no partner to support me, and everything is on me to survive. There is no one to lean on for moral or financial support. It’s not what I am used to. Any little change to life’s routine sets my mind immediately to the very worst thing that could happen. But hey, everyone wants their future to be set in stone and taken care of, right? Right! We all know that doesn’t happen and life has no guarantees, right? Right!

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Recently I discovered a leak in my swamp cooler system. The copper wire under the sink in the kitchen was spraying water all over, and had been for some time. Argh! I turned off the tiny valve to stop the flow of water. I asked my neighbor to help Continue reading

Am I doing it right?

You may have heard the phrase, you are exactly where you should be. Usually people who are wondering, Am I doing it right? or Did I make the right decision? find themselves being given this advice. I’m a thinker. I think too much and am in my head too much. I used to worry about whether or not I was doing things right, from a soul perspective. Did I take the right path, learn the right thing? Now that I trust in my own intuition and I trust that things are unfolding as they should, I realize many of the events that I lived through were wonderful for looking back on to gain a different view point.

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My understanding is, you are exactly where you should be at any given moment in life. This considers your past experiences, what you have learned along the way, your current level of knowledge and experience about life and how it all works. No one is perfect! The phrase you are exactly where you should be is a get out of jail free card in terms of worry, and feeling guilty about not being perfect or not doing the right thing. If you feel you screwed up, or could have handled something differently, don’t sweat it. Don’t obsess over those details. You did your best.

You can’t do anything wrong, because each experience, every encounter in life is an opportunity to grow and learn. Much the same way that for scientists there is no such thing as a failed experiment, because at a minimum, knowledge was gained from what did not work. A burnt batch of chocolate chip cookies tell you the oven was too hot, and yet, you might still be able to enjoy a few of those cookies!  Don’t take life so seriously.