Durango CO Whole Expo!

I’ll be at the Whole Expo in Durango, CO for my first ever in-person shindig Sept 10 and 11 booth D-1 along with Heart of the Mother Healing and Gwendolyn Hill! Please stop by and introduce yourself. I will be doing 3-card tarot readings for half price plus drawing for six prizes as follows:

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Below is my postcard that I prefer to give out instead of business cards. I have been a graphic designer for over 30 years and this is my work including my logo. That’s my horse, Scar, on the postcard back.

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Hope to see you there!

My dinosaur-sized bone of contention.

Don’t let anyone mess with your head. It can happen easily if you have been in a long-term relationship, or are in love. Being human, we all know everyone has different takes on what happened and what was said. We experience things differently, each one of us. Humans are fallible. If you have ever been on a jury, you will know that even if all twelve jurors hear the same words, there will be twelve interpretations of what was said. I’m here to tell you, do not ever let anyone tell you your version is not the truth, not true for you, or let them tell you your memory or opinion is wrong.

Back when I was married my husband would tell me my memories were not accurate, if things didn’t go his way in a discussion. And I mean he’d say this two seconds after I told him my version of..whatever. Like he thought I would not remember what I just said two seconds ago. I realize not everyone hears or sees things the same. That is not what he meant when he said that. He meant only he remembered things the right way or the right thing. You will not be surprised to learn this man had to win absolutely every discussion to make him feel good about himself. I realized long ago he loved arguing for the sake of argument and all he wanted was the win, at others expense. It made him feel superior. If he had a bad day at work, it made his day to squash me in anything. I tell you, love makes you blind!

My only defense in this impossible situation was to say “That’s how things are in my Universe.” I started to use that phrase and I really liked it. I lived by it. I guess I had to create my own space to be me. To experience things as I experienced them, to remember them as only I remembered them. A place to be me and be comfortable and safe. Now that I’m not in that relationship, I don’t use that phrase anymore. (I just realized that!) I don’t have a need since I’m a part of THE Universe.

My ex had a very high IQ and he thought that gave him carte blanche to be the head honcho, the winner, the boss, the man. But of my memories? No I think not. He constantly told me I had a problem with my brain and that I had memory recall problems. He really wanted to make me feel small and insufficient. He needed to win to feel he was alive. He was adamant about this, and insisted, to the point of having a week long hissy fit and personal implosion, that only he had the correct memory of anything we did or discussed. In his world, he was God. For him this was not negotiable to think anything else. This was a bone of contention for me. A big bone….like dinosaur sized.

Our relationship did not start out this way. At first his intelligence and creativity made him fun to be around. As the years passed he was fired from over 30 jobs due to his terrible Prima Donna attitude. The core of this attitude was he had to be right, always. It was never possible in his world that he was the one that needed fixing. To tell me I had memory problems was his way out of ditching any personal responsibility for his problems.

I learned years later of one particular meeting he had at a major university where he was presenting his web designs. He arrived late with no excuse, and told his boss, and people above his boss’ level they were wrong and he was right. Who were they to tell him anything about his designs? Then he stormed out of the meeting. No wonder he was fired. From there he slid into chronic unemployment and chronic anger at the outside world. It did not occur to him that he needed fixing. He always insisted his IQ was his identity and his best tool. How could it possibly be broken? To him it was inconceivable.

As his new mantra of ‘what you remember is wrong’  was more frequently used, it would make me furious. I had no way to combat it other than to insist I had my own views, in my own Universe. It was a construct that, at the time, worked for me. Those feelings of being furious at him for bringing up this myopic and unyielding viewpoint was my intuition telling me there was a huge, huge red flag in this relationship. I was not being treated right. This was not in my best interest. I was finally starting to wake up! I started to listen to this feeling inside me. I started standing up for myself more and more. I didn’t know it then, but I was finding my voice for the first time ever. This happened in my early 50s.

There were many red flags like this in a short period of time as the marriage crumbled. Like a house of cards falling, or the Matrix where the illusion falls apart. This occurred as I stood up for what I believed more frequently. As a result of me seeking equality and freedom, the arguments became more agitated and violent, and escalated very quickly, like Vesuvius going off every few days. There was a crack in the veneer of the marriage. It needed to happen. It was painful to experience, and I really had a hard time being on the planet. But it was necessary in my education about life and about finding my own voice. I believe Hell exists because it is here on Earth. I have been there. The saying “If you are going through hell, keep on going” was apt.

Now that I have had years of distance, those nightmare days seem like a faraway land. But the pain and suffering was very real at the time. I can still feel wave after wave of relief coming to me years after getting out of the abuse I suffered daily. Many lifetimes of relief! I sometimes wonder how many past lifetimes I affected by freeing myself. The relief feels so good, still. I feel like kicking my heels up! Now I would never listen to such advice about one person having ‘the truth’ or the God View. I would laugh at anyone who told me only they had the correct version of the truth. Then I would look back at the old me with some forgiveness and understanding.

The takeaway lesson kids is, it’s never okay for anyone to tell you your truth is wrong and their truth is right. No matter if they love you, or you love them. Listen to your instincts and intuition. Your truths can be different and leave it at that. Is it really that important to remember exactly what was said? Is it really important to win an argument? Instead of one person being right or wrong, shouldn’t we seek harmony as a result of any disagreement?

Lesson two would be the long-term view. When things brew slowly over the years and you are in it, you can’t see it happening. I didn’t see it happening until we were in the thick of things. It took years for me to wake up. Please don’t let that happen to you. Be vigilant of your values and how you let yourself be treated by others. If you find someone in your life does not have your best interest at heart, something is off. Reconsider what is really happening. Dismiss all the little things that the argument seems to be about, and look at how you are being treated overall. You might find the courage to scratch them off your list of friends or even spouses, as you find your own truth and your own voice. (Cue happy ending music and unicorns jumping over rainbows.)

Clutter holds energy, let it loose!

Okay, this is not a how-to guide for decluttering your home or environment, although I could certainly write an article about that. I was born to organize and declutter. However for almost two decades, I lived with a man who was a hoarder. At the time, I had no word for it. It started slowly and grew exponentially as our my spouse and the relationship fell out of center. Every room had a path through it that was about two feet wide. Boxes, clothing, computer pieces, camera parts, papers of all kinds and other assorted flotsam filled rooms to bursting. Sometimes up to the ceiling! There was no rhyme or reason to it, and none of the items had any use or value.Boxes-empty_165169310.jpgI could not staunch the flow, no matter what I tried. I could hardly live like this and combatted it daily. It crept under my skin during the day, and practically exploded out of me at night. It was like a thing that lived with us that was evil. But my spouse would have a week long fit, exploding in rage, if I were so rude as to mention ‘the mess.’ He didn’t see it that way and he felt I was nagging and unfair to him. Apparently I was the bad guy in this scenario.

I begged to clean up on the weekends when we had time. He’d oblige, and then ten minutes into it he’d have this ‘great idea’ to go to the hardware store to get materials for building shelves. Shelves for more junk. Shelves to organize the junk. Or 30 large plastic tubs to store all the junk in. To this day I can’t stand the sight of those big blue plastic tubs. We would spend all day at the hardware store, come home, spend ten more minutes on cleaning and quit. Now not only was there a huge mess, but a mess of building materials on top of everything else clogging up one of the few free areas left to me.

When we moved to a small 350 square foot apartment in Manhattan, I thought for sure we’d downsize. He insisted we take everything. In his absence, I threw out as much as possible. When we arrived, it took two full days to unpack the largest moving van money could rent. It all went up inside my tiny, clean, perfect apartment. There were stacks of boxes now that stood almost 11 feet high! Again there were only small paths between them. Almost no place for a bed. Nothing changed most of the nine years we spent there. Needless to say, we rarely had company.

After Manhattan, we moved to New Mexico. Finally we had a piece of property and some room to stretch out! However the home soon filled up with junk. A second building filled up with junk, soon Continue reading

That damned coconut tree

Over the years I learned to handle drama and chaos as best I can. I teach classes on handling it, because I lived through so much of it and found a way to deal with it. In the years during The Big Change, I was able to piece together a road map for my survival. So far, so good. Life is as good as it can be and I’m a happy camper. But, I didn’t get this way overnight. It took work. It was fun at times, but still took some shifting and tweaking each time I encountered a bit of drama or chaos here and there.

When you are dealing with chaos or drama, think of surfing. Learning to surf the waves, the ups and downs of life, can be hard at first. If you wipe out a lot, it sucks. Then with experience you don’t wipe out so often, you become stronger. Your muscles acclimate to this activity, and you actually have fun even if you are paddling out to sea to catch waves, or coming in after a good afternoon out. Your life will be better learning to handle drama and chaos—the ups and downs. The reality is, no one can totally get rid of drama and chaos from their lives. It will try and seek you out, no matter where you go. Be prepared. Know you can handle it and not get hooked. Be the space for anything playing out before you. Calm your inner vibe, go with the flow, etc. The more you practice, the less hooked you will get. You get the picture.

What I advise people is, if you try and totally avoid drama, it will find you. Let’s say you are sick and tired of all the drama and you want to opt out of it. Yes,  you can learn how to deal with it, but if you want to not be bothered by anyone and never have any more drama, I’m telling you, the Universe will send stuff your way. You can’t run and hide from it. You may need to learn more about how the inner you handles life, so lessons come your way compliments of The Universe. Life in general can be chaotic and dramatic, because, well, human beings are involved.

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Just for fun, let’s say you are on a deserted island all by yourself, happy as can be and you don’t want to be bothered. You are determined to be left alone, not wanting any more drama or chaos. There is a coconut tree on the island. Just you and that tree. For sure the coconut tree will start giving you shit, just to keep you in the game. It will start dropping coconuts on your head. It will move if you want to be in the shade. It will somehow end up being a source of grief for you. That’s how life is. Expect it. And I don’t mean in any sort of fatalistic way at all. I mean in a way that has you happily prepared to deal with whatever life throws you. Because there are ups and downs to all things in life. It’s a rhythm. Yin Yang, good bad, off on, light dark, happy sad. This advice is for people that believe if they live alone, don’t go out much, and don’t bother anyone, they will have this get out of jail free card for drama and chaos. Not so. Things happen. Learn to deal with it in a better way. Learn to surf. You will be better for it. You will have less stress, less angst, and feel freer and happier as you ride out life’s low spots.

When ‘shit happens’ I vow to get better at not getting hooked, at standing aside, at being the space for, and letting the drama play out without me involved as much as possible. It’s an art form. But since I’m human, I don’t always behave the way I’d like to. I never plan on doing badly, but sometimes I get caught up in things despite my best efforts. So when I get hooked, it’s humbling, but I remind myself I have to get better at handling that damned coconut tree. Piña colada anyone?

On being stuck in traffic

A good playground for being totally present and going with the flow in a chaotic situation is in heavy traffic. This was one of my biggest ah-ha moments ever. I had gotten off work early one day. It’s a rare treat to get off work early, so I ran a few errands downtown. I rarely go south of where I work, so a trip to downtown usually is a headache. This was the perfect day for it! After my errands were all run, I wanted to get home quickly. That should be easy at 3pm, right? Wrong! For some reason it was a very early rush hour and this really soured my mood. It takes an hour to get home as it is. How could I be stuck in traffic? It’s a lovely day and I want to be home quickly, enjoying the sunshine and my animals!

During this rush home, I was listening to a favorite guru, Eckhart Tolle on my iPod. He was talking about presence in the moment from his book The Power of Now. One of my favorite passages is where he talks about not resisting what the present moment brings. I was wholeheartedly agreeing with him about being in the present moment one minute, and complaining loudly to myself about the non-moving traffic the next. [Angrily] “How unfair life is that I’m stuck in traffic on such a gorgeous day!” [Happily] “Yeah, live in the moment as if you accepted it yourself!” [Angrily] “What is with this traffic?”  

I did this mental and emotional badminton a few times until…Shazam…I realized what Eckhart Tolle meant about not resisting what the current moment brought, and laughed at how silly I was being. All this time I was agreeing with the author about living in the moment, and the next thing out of my mouth was a complaint about what was happening. I knew it was time for me to stop complaining about anything. Complaining is non-acceptance of What is. This goes against all my new found philosophies of going with the flow, avoiding chaos, etc. 

That was a defining moment, and a really big insight into my mind chatter. I found I could make that change inside and live a happier life on the outside. I immediately switched to a relaxed mood, turned up some good music, and enjoyed the sunshine and beautiful skies. I sent a good feeling to other cars around me and relaxed. I realized I had been making myself miserable for no good reason. Now it didn’t matter if I was ‘stuck’ in traffic or zooming along the road. You get to choose the mood of the current moment, regardless of the outer circumstances. This makes everything in your life much smoother, happier, easier to experience. Fun even! 

Through the Law of Attraction, we attract what we are signaling. Our inner vibes and energy signals what we want more of. Now I get it. Now it makes sense to me. I was complaining, frustrated and angry. If I continued down that road, I’d only be experiencing more of the same. This was like finding a key that fit every door!

Try using slow traffic as a way to practice mindfulness and patience. Another way I practice patience is to think of the worst scenario of being late. For me, that’s being late for or missing a flight. Even in that instance, you can catch another flight. Maybe you might miss an event. When I feel panic about missing, let’s say, an important event like a wedding, I remind myself that everything happens for a reason. Everything has what I call, divine right timing. Relax and enjoy the moment. Since you are not curing cancer, don’t sweat it! You could be delayed by Spirit because there may be an accident ahead. There are many reasons to just go with the flow and trust in divine right timing of all that is unfolding around you.

 

Being in authenticity

What exactly does that mean? For me it means being a genuine person, being open, transparent as possible, organic, home-grown, you name it. I believe that it really means being true to yourself. It’s like being an open book to others with no hidden agendas. I think of it as standing in your personal power but doing no harm. To me it is being yourself, as much as you can be. The more you are true to yourself, the more people will see, feel, and sense your authenticity.

“This above all, to thine own self be true. And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.” —From Hamlet, by William Shakespeare

The above quote from Hamlet is something that often comes to mind when someone is looking for advice on what to do and they are inwardly conflicted or really torn about something and they have to make a decision. If you take the advice and are true to yourself, most everything else falls into place. Take care of yourself first, then others can be served.

This is also a really big hint to the fine line between being compassionate and being a doormat for the world. Continue reading

What is co-creating?

I don’t remember when I first heard that term, but I was not sure I understood exactly what co-creating meant. So, take off the cowgirl hat and put on the detective hat. It started with my first basic observation that everything is energy.

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We live in, and are part of something I call Universal Flow. Once I was more in tune with this flow, I learned to recognize intuition, how it manifests, and how to use it. By using my intuition through paying attention to how it manifested in my body, using the Law of Attraction, and asking for and receiving guidance from Spirit, I started consciously co-creating. I developed my skills with routine, everyday tasks to build on my experience. Now it’s as easy as breathing.  Continue reading

What exactly are vibes?

Yes, I use fluffy words like vibes, energy, and intuition. That’s part of who I am after the big change after my divorce. I am a changed person for the better, but man it was hard work and very humbling. Yet a big part of me is the same old Pat. Back to the subject at hand. Vibes and energy are a big part of the new me and my new knowledge and experience. The following is what I have learned through experience.

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Certainly vibes are part of the energy all around us, part of the Universal Flow of energy, and part of having a loving intent. But what exactly are vibes? How I explain it to students is like this: Imagine at your core is one guitar string. Each morning you wake up you pluck this string to activate your inner vibe, your inner energetic hum. What will yours be set to? Happiness and joy, or frustration and anger? Helplessness and feeling trapped, or self-actualized intent? This is another way you can be in authenticity as the author of your life.

Imagine a large guitar string at your very core, the length of your body, going from your head to your feet. Imagine plucking the string even before you get out of be (if this is possible!) Set this vibe to something happy, joyful, inquisitive, helpful, and fun. You decide. It’s your life, your day, your vibe. This will affect people around you, and honestly, the entire Earth vibe picks up on it. You are contributing to a whole. Make it good!  When you pluck this string, Continue reading

You are the author of your life

You are always in charge of your life. No one else is. Just you. Really. And no one person, no outside circumstance or event can change that. The quality of your life and the direction it takes on a moment-by-moment basis is now, and always has been, in your control.

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Here is a quote from Viktor Frankl that illustrates this point. He spent time in Nazi concentration camps and this was one of his insights.

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” (From Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning.)

Now if a guy who spent time in Nazi concentration camps can find a way to be happy, I figure pretty much anyone can follow suit. 

Being in charge of your own life is good news, because your happiness is yours to command. You can have it any time you want it. Especially if you have the attitude of gratitude for where you are on your path. It never hurts to say thank you. In fact, it is a higher-level vibration you bring in when you utter those words and feel it in your heart. Then you attract more of the same level, the same vibration of good energy. What goes around, comes around. There are a hundred ways to say it.

Once that is internalized, you have tapped into a tremendous amount of power within. It is really the power of the Universe running through you, because you have just allowed yourself to be a vessel for Universal life force or what I call (Universal) Flow. The Universal life force is without you and within you, and you can use it to make a good life and you can use it to make a difference in other people’s lives, and the world.

If you stop worrying about the next bad thing that might happen, and stop jumping to conclusions, and instead concentrate on what is in front of you, good or bad, life becomes much more freeing and easier to handle. It does not mean there will be no more bad outer circumstances, no more drama, it means you will be more ready, and more comfortable in handling these ups and downs. The outer world is always changing, but you can and should always have control of the inner you. It can be, and is for me, a new way of life that is easier, more freeing, and happier. 

The joy of being, which is the only true happiness, cannot come to you through the world of form, possession, or achievement, person or event. It cannot come through anything that happens. This joy cannot come to you ever. It emanates from the formless dimension of spaciousness within you, from consciousness itself, and this is one with who you are. ― Eckhart TolleThe Power of Now

 

Everything is energy

That’s my personal mantra. It’s something I’ve learned through observation and experience. The Universal Flow is made up of energy, as are thoughts and emotions. Energy is almost one and the same with the Universal Flow. It is the matrix within all of us lives our lives. There isn’t a thing that does not have energy. Even a rock has moving molecules, albeit they move very slowly and not too much. Manmade substances move too at the molecular level. It’s all energy.

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The type of energy that I am most interested in, and that affects our lives on a daily basis is, the energy that we feel and interact with from other people, places, things and events. Feelings, emotions and words especially carry their own vibes, their own energetic signature. Everything is Energy is what I live my life by in terms of sensing what the energy is like around me, or in a place I am going to, or when I am going to be in a meeting, or be with a certain person or group of people. It’s a big part of the co-creation process and manifesting.

I teach a class on working with Universal Flow and developing intuition. Energy sensing through mind, intuition, and body are a big part of this class. You can learn to sense this energy and work with it. Setting your inner hum, your intent, is a big part of having a successful day of navigating the jungles of space and time. But for big ideas and beliefs like this, I leave it to the reader to do their own research and have their own experiences in determining whether or not this is true for them. For me it certainly is.