Surrender Dorothy, and all that implies

Recently I was chatting with a friend. We both felt that we were each experiencing lives of confusion and both of us felt a bit out of control. Our discussion lead us to deduce each of us would best be served by letting go and embracing it all. A phrase ‘stop pushing the river’ comes to mind. It’s not a place you can go to with your thinking brain. You must let go. That takes trust. I feel I have a big ‘something’ coming up. I know I must let go and sink into it to come back to the surface. As I was talking to my friend the phrase “Surrender Dorothy” came to mind from the movie, The Wizard of Oz. It is a perfect reminder to let go when worry starts in. Accomplishing this would have to be at a non-verbal place inside me. It’s hard to explain or wrap my head around, because words don’t seem to adequately express this idea, and that’s okay.

Surrender Dorothy could be my watch phrase for recent hurdles I am facing. Detach from caring about the outcome and surrendering to my true north. Yup. I know I have to do it. But can I? I’m not the kind of person who can easily take my hands off the steering wheel. But I must. This is not something you can intellectualize. You cannot plan for this to happen, or force it. You cannot say…

“I will detach and be in free fall so that I can experience this uncomfortable thing, so that I can have a breakthrough, an epiphany.”

It does not happen that way. For me it is not second nature to let go and surrender to what is happening. Especially when experiencing chaos, illness, or physical and emotional pain. Instead we want to protect ourselves and always be in a happy moving-forward place. Growth takes place in uncomfortable spots. Going outside your comfort zone makes you stronger. Surrendering to what is may be the best thing to do. But I am not sure how to let go enough for that to happen.

Every time I come up against another hurdle, even a small one, I am starting to change how I approach life. Instead of saying “How can I fix this? What is the best path forward? Quickly get a fix in place!” I remind myself to accept what is happening and sink back to that feeling, whatever it is. Let it roll over me. Let it come. Surrender Dorothy. I want to face what is going on, and surrender to the need to be in control and fix things. My experience with Buddhism may come in handy, as the mindset of ‘having tea with your demons’ is a practice put forward by Pema Chödrön. I understand the idea. I love the idea! And I can do that for small fears that come visiting. It’s kind of like saying ‘everything is as it should be’ and ‘this too shall pass”. But the big stuff. The stuff that keeps hanging on and on. The hard stuff. That’s different. It seems like a wall I cannot scale. I must stop asking why, and how, and instead sink down into the comfort that I am finally where I should be, so I can become one with it, and like the peacock, turn poison into medicine, pushing beyond my fears.

Comments and dialogue are encouraged and welcome. Likes tell me someone is listening. Love and Light, Patty.

The New Normal is where it’s at

When life presents you changes, stop trying to go back to normal. If you are trying to get back to the old normal that may not be possible. With all my challenges, I have found a way to get through with some sanity. Ditch the old normal. Find the new normal, the new habit, path, the new way. There is much less resistance there. Stop trying to push the river, instead go with the flow. And be in gratitude!

Comments and dialogue are encouraged and welcome. Likes tell me someone is listening. Love and Light, Patty.

The need to know why is -not- always a good thing

If you have been following my blog, you know I have been experiencing a lot of odd medical, physical upsets for months. Every morning I have to remind myself to make myself happy and get my mood up. Getting back to normal seems impossible some days.

One of the reasons I feel so low is, I have this burning need to know why everything happens. Why is my body rebelling so much lately? I’ve lived a life almost sixty years with no problems. Lately I have been bombarded with illnesses or conditions that come and go. Did I mention how much I dislike people that complain about health issues? The shoe is on the other foot now and let me tell you, it is humbling. At least I have gained a compassionate view of the flip side of health. I have softened to it.

Much of life can be a puzzle and I love puzzles. So my mind searches for the why of it all. It gives me something to chew on. Is all the upheaval directly due to this crazy life in 3D? Is it karmic and I must pay my dues? Is there another purpose in my life to wake me up to…? Is there part of my old life I need to completely disconnect from? I often feel empathically what is going on in the world. The night of the midterm elections my body was rebelling big time. The physical feelings are disconcerting and uncomfortable, and I cannot get away from it or turn it off.

At work part of my job to be a troubleshooter. To be a person to find out how a process happens, and write out all the steps very clearly so others can learn. This is part of the warp and weft that makes up my persona. I like to be the person that shows others the right path by researching a process, questioning, tinkering. I am responsible for finding the right way to do something, to empower them to flourish. It’s part of my very nature to explore, question, and lead by example. If we were in the jungle, I’d be the person in front, hacking a way forward, leading. Part of this aspect of me must be shut down in order to be guided by this new thing emerging in me. That won’t be easy for me to do. It will be very uncomfortable and I navigate totally new waters without being able to rely on my ‘old’ and comfortable tools/senses/way of operating. This change must come. My old self must die and the new self must come into being. Like a child who does not want to outgrow his favorite pair of boots, that day will come. But won’t the new serve better?

It occurred to me that if I stopped asking why, my angst would go away. I’d be at a new normal, and life would continue in a happier vein. How can I accomplish this? What’s the lesson, the reason, the big picture? Okay, drop that line of thinking and I bet I would be so much more at peace. But how to do that? It won’t happen with a how-to check list. Scratch that. It might be more along the lines of more meditation during the day and in the evening. Slowing down even more. More dropping out of needing to know. Dropping out of rational thought, of needing control. Dropping down into that fuzzy, warm place where there is no need to know what’s coming next, or why things are the way they are. Trust. It’s a big word.

This winter I will hunker down, be closer to Gaia (Mother earth), trust the divine feminine, and let healing occur naturally. For me this will be a paradigm shift. A huge one. But possibly part of the metamorphosis of what I am becoming. I can feel a huge shift coming inside me and I want it to come. I must trust that I cannot see the way forward. Time to roll with motion of the waves and as a good friend says ‘feel your way through the unknown.’

Comments and dialogue are encouraged and welcome. Likes tell me someone is listening.❤ Love and Light, Patty.

 

A lesson in trust

After work in summer I take my dogs for a cool walk down my little river. During irrigation, the river is about one inch deep and mostly stagnant. The river boasts crayfish, gigantic arroyo frogs, dragonflies, butterflies, dark fishing spiders, tons of minnows and other wildlife. Because I recently had to deal with a rattlesnake I said out loud, “Hey is there anything up the river I need to be aware of?” The answer was both felt and heard. “Yes.” Me: “Oh, good. Wait! Is it deadly?” “No.” I could feel this in the core of my entire body, head to toe, as an unmistakable feeling of confirmation. Probably the strongest physical confirmation I have ever received. Consider me warned. I would be on the lookout for…whatever, and it was not going to kill me. Well now doesn’t that sound promising.

As we walked upriver I was observant and cautious. Would I see a deer, or a raccoon hunting for crayfish? A heron fishing for minnows? I did not know if it would be something dangerous, or something delightful. This feeling of confirmation was with me the whole time. The pond was more shallow than usual, and the large minnows were there by the gazillion! What fun! Gypsy had a blast swimming in it, while my other dog Goat Cheese was nearby.

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I walked into the edge of the 5 foot deep pool where the water was about 2 inches deep and took video of Gypsy swimming around. As I finished taking the video I turned around to go back to dry land taking one step with my left foot. The sand gave way and I sunk into the sand up to mid hip. Quicksand! Oh $hit. It felt like there was nothing supporting me and I dared not move one muscle. My right leg was bent at the knee and out sideways on what I hoped was firm ground. With quicksand it is hard to tell. I had no idea how much further down I would go if I tried putting my hands out in front of me to support myself. Sinking in another 2 and a half feet would be fatal. I desperately called to my dogs.

“Get over her NOW! Mama is in trouble and needs your help!”

Both dogs came over, oblivious to my plight. I grabbed them each by the collar and relied on their distributed weight to pull me out. They started tugging backwards, which is exactly what I needed. I was able to test that ground ahead of me and gingerly crawl out. I could hardly believe what had happened. Here on my little river there is quicksand and I managed to blunder into it. But I came out safe and sound. On my walk back home, I grabbed a large stick and held it sideways just to be on the safe side.

Homeward bound, I reflected on what happened. Well for one thing, I was alive! Yay! At the beginning of my walk, Spirit let me know where was something ahead for me. Sure enough, there was. But it was an event, not an animal. I got a very clear, very strong message from the Universe that there was something up ahead for me, and it was not fatal. I was to trust in that. Bottom line is, trust in the messages you get, especially if you ask for them! That was a big lesson in trust and I won’t soon forget it.

Comments always welcome and encouraged. View this blog entry by itself by clicking on the headline, in order to make a reply at the bottom.