Why you attract uncomfortable experiences: A better understanding of the Law of Attraction

I have wonderful friends that cheer me on when I’m having a difficult time. My friends have been a source of solace and comfort. For several years I’ve had an uncomfortable chronic condition that recently cleared up. When I am having an episode I sometimes tell my friends so they know I will be down for the count for a few days, unable to drive a vehicle, focus. It’s not a complaint, just a fact that is meant to inform and set expectations.  

Occasionally I get a response as follows: “Don’t attract that to yourself! Don’t talk like that or you will attract it to you!” Well I know they mean well but that advice seems rather out of place. It seems to go against the idea that I actually do have something chronic. To say otherwise is denial of the current moment. I’ve never gone wrong following the advice of Eckhart Tolle as teaches us in his quote:  

Accept — then act. Whatever the present moment contains,  
accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.  

On the face of it, the Law of Attraction seems to deny the current moment. How can that be? There seemed to be a naturally inherent conondrum with the Law of Attraction.

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Follow the Energy: A big lesson and huge life change

Through the churning miasma and the cosmic 2×4 I’ve recently learned something valuable about myself. Many different factors have lead to this life change. I’ve been under pressure and experienced some very humbling moments recently. So not like me. Physically I’ve had problems with sinus-related vertigo. I’ve been unsteady on my feet and a bit slower. I’ve had much lower energy and feel like I’m dragging around. I’ve been unable to sleep well lately.

When we are weakest, the big lessons have a chance at crashing the party.

The thing that brought about the change—the catalyst—was that an old building was being torn down on my property. Cleaning and decluttering always sets free a lot of old, held down energy. There is a huge, huge release of energy literally blasting out of the ground, going back up to Spirit. I believe a lot of the energy was wrapped up in the walls of that old building. It was brought to the property years ago by my ex against my wishes. Those walls held a lot of bad energy and memories. It was well past time to let it go!

During times of decluttering and change, I cannot sleep. I am not awake and obsessing or thinking about anything in particular. I’m simply very wide awake. It is like riding a huge energy tsunami. Over the years I’ve learned to enjoy and even use these times for my benefit. The energy that had me laying awake gave me time to think and feel. I had been feeling fear high in my throat for many weeks. It was almost like being choked the feeling was so palpable. But why was it there and what was it attached to?

Since this didn’t seem attached to this lifetime—again following the energy—I knew this was something karmic.

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Keeping an open heart

I experience this thing I call the Jukebox in my head. Every so often I wake up with a song in my head, or I might be driving along and hear a song, no radio on. I always pay attention when this happens. I believe I’m receiving hints, or being guided in a small way.

The other morning I woke up to the song “Killing me Softly With His Song” playing in my head. (As sung by Roberta Flack.) I made my morning tea and Googled the song on my phone. As I listened I also remembered Roberta’s gorgeous voice singing another song, “The first time every I saw your face”. I listened to that next. The three verses are succinct and poignant. It’s all there is to say about love. I doubt anyone could listen to that song and not be moved.

As I listened to this beautiful expression of love, I sang along with it even though I’m a terrible singer with a scratchy alto voice. I could barely do the song justice. However something unexpected happened as I sang along. Voicing this love letter opened me in ways I had not foreseen. I experienced a bitter sweet feeling. The ache of an open heart. The feeling reminded me much of the day I decided to leave a long-term relationship. My heart cracked wide open, because I knew I would break my partner’s heart, even though it was clear our time together was at an end.

To have an open heart—born out of compassion—opens you to feel the entire All That Is. You can feel other people’s pain. You understand where they are coming from. But you do it from a place of relative safety and deep knowing. You have a new understanding that goes beyond the self. In experiencing a shattering so absolute, it feels like you will never have a whole heart again. I have discovered through my own experience that this is actually a preferred way to live.

Today I have a much repaired and different heart from the one I started out with. A heart that shows my battle scars but in a gentle, understanding, and loving way. I am now open to understand, to grok, what it is like to feel pain, and still be alive and vibrant. This is not being a martyr. That’s a totally different energy pattern. I’m talking about knowing what it is like to feel energy/vibrations/emotions coming through your heart that move you. You begin to organically understand what others have been through in a totally non-verbal way. This is where compassion is forged, right there in your open heart. Once experienced, there is no going back.

As I felt my heart staying open, but with the sting of passion, I thought to myself, who is it I have these remembered feelings for? I could not name one person, nor could I remember a specific situation I had felt this way. Yet I knew without a doubt I had felt this way many times in my life. So where was this feeling coming from and who was it associated with? The feeling persisted. Somewhere there is a kernel of truth in this, and it is an opportunity for growth. An opportunity I wouldn’t miss for the world.

After some reflection, I came to the realization that love resides in the self, not in the other. I had these feelings of love for every person I had ever been close to. Every pet, every friend, every emotional situation be it joy or sorrow. I stayed open to these feelings all day. It’s a feeling of total vulnerability. This is something most of us hide from. When I am feeling vulnerable and open, I like to take the advice of my favorite Buddhist nun, Pema Chödrön. It’s the running away from emotions that makes us feel so uncomfortable. Staying with a feeling without taking action is a great gift to give yourself. I wanted to be fully present for this so I allowed myself the experience instead of shutting down or running away.

When your heart opens you allow yourself to fully feel, to fully live, to fully be. Don’t close down when this happens, let it all flow through you. Now you are a warrior of the heart. This makes you stronger than any force on earth (because it is from Spirit). The wounded warrior is a natural healer born of uncomfortable experiences and heartache. So do you see that even painful experiences are beneficial. They have their purpose.

I hope my open heart never closes, never fully heals. I do not want a perfect, whole heart. I want my experiences to live within me, in a positive way. In an organic way. Let your heart be touched. In this way you will be able to comfort, assist, or simply understand a fellow human being. Or you may simply understand them at a soul level. Keep looking through your heart’s sensitive energy, not just your eyes. You will see and feel much that would otherwise be closed to you. I wouldn’t trade my life’s journey—all the ups and downs—for anything. I love having an open heart. I believe it serves me well.

That awful sticky place of dread

Recently I was in a terribly wobbly place taking care of someone close to me. This friend had recently had serious back surgery. I knew he would depend on me solely. In our tiny community we depend on each other, especially as we age. Most everyone else my friend knows is retired, and I work full time. I would do what I could, but I felt that sticky and uncomfortable place of having someone else depend on me totally when I knew it would take a supreme effort for me to do everything necessary. I knew there were others that were totally willing to help, that kept volunteering. My friend kept refusing them, saying “Patty will do it all.”

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The Universe is…what exactly?

I am sure you often hear people talk about manifesting and working with Spirit by saying ‘The Universe wants me to do this or that” or “The Universe is sending me signs” or “I like it when The Universe supports me” and so on. I use that phrase a lot and I hear it a lot. Two friends helped me to understand The Universe better from a personal standpoint. Each person’s take on it was insightful and of value to me, and came through normal conversation.

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Surrender Dorothy, and all that implies

Recently I was chatting with a friend. We both felt that we were each experiencing lives of confusion and both of us felt a bit out of control. Our discussion lead us to deduce each of us would best be served by letting go and embracing it all. A phrase ‘stop pushing the river’ comes to mind. It’s not a place you can go to with your thinking brain. You must let go. That takes trust. I feel I have a big ‘something’ coming up. I know I must let go and sink into it to come back to the surface. As I was talking to my friend the phrase “Surrender Dorothy” came to mind from the movie, The Wizard of Oz. It is a perfect reminder to let go when worry starts in. Accomplishing this would have to be at a non-verbal place inside me. It’s hard to explain or wrap my head around, because words don’t seem to adequately express this idea, and that’s okay.

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Losing a horse helped heal my heart

My horse Silver left the morning after a blood red moon this past January. I had to make the difficult decision to have him put down after two days of pain, confusion, and chaos. His leaving had me totally spent physically and emotionally. I was gutted. My goofy, silly, drama queen horse and loving friend was gone. He was 22 years old and I only had him for four and a half years. I expected him to live to see 30 and be a gentle old bag of bones wandering around my property keeping me company in my upcoming retirement. My soul dog Google died in March 2017 and my first horse, Scar, died three months after that. Only seven months had gone by. This was heavy. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.

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Acting on a feel

Did you ever get little nudges and hints from the Universe? Recently I’ve been getting nudges to slow down. I have mentioned before that I usually get the Cosmic 2×4 on the head because I am simply not paying enough attention to fill-in-the-blank. I hear messages, feel and sense I must pay attention to something, and start making changes to accommodate. Sometimes my efforts are not enough. I’m dancing around it but not getting it. And I don’t realize I am not getting it because my nose is too close to the grindstone. When the Universe sees you working on it, but you don’t really get the core message, it will let you know. The following story illuminates this perfectly.

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The wonderfully irritating way the Universe helps you change.

One way the Universe helps me change is wonderful, and it’s also very irritating! Sure enough, when you want to stop drinking caffeine, or stay clear away from carbs and you swear them off, the coffee and bagels of the world will follow you everywhere and it won’t stop until you are immune.

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A catalyst for change, from the heart.

There’s a fun song by Ray Charles called Smack Dab in the Middle. Have a listen, it’s a fun song. My question to you is, are you smack dab in the middle of your world? If not, why not? I know it sounds selfish and self-centered to make you be first. But isn’t that the best way to be able to assist others? I think I have written about this before here. The message is, you can only truly be of service once your own house is in order. Caring for myself first, I knew on an intellectual/informative level. Think Head. But the idea had not quite come home to roost. Think Heart. This post explains how I made the change from head to heart.

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