I have wonderful friends that cheer me on when I’m having a difficult time. My friends have been a source of solace and comfort. For several years I’ve had an uncomfortable chronic condition that recently cleared up. When I am having an episode I sometimes tell my friends so they know I will be down for the count for a few days, unable to drive a vehicle, focus. It’s not a complaint, just a fact that is meant to inform and set expectations.
Occasionally I get a response as follows: “Don’t attract that to yourself! Don’t talk like that or you will attract it to you!” Well I know they mean well but that advice seems rather out of place. It seems to go against the idea that I actually do have something chronic. To say otherwise is denial of the current moment. I’ve never gone wrong following the advice of Eckhart Tolle as teaches us in his quote:
Accept — then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.
On the face of it, the Law of Attraction seems to deny the current moment. How can that be? There seemed to be a naturally inherent conondrum with the Law of Attraction.
Through the churning miasma and the cosmic 2×4 I’ve recently learned something valuable about myself. Many different factors have lead to this life change. I’ve been under pressure and experienced some very humbling moments recently. So not like me. Physically I’ve had problems with sinus-related vertigo. I’ve been unsteady on my feet and a bit slower. I’ve had much lower energy and feel like I’m dragging around. I’ve been unable to sleep well lately.
When we are weakest, the big lessons have a chance at crashing the party.
The thing that brought about the change—the catalyst—was that an old building was being torn down on my property. Cleaning and decluttering always sets free a lot of old, held down energy. There is a huge, huge release of energy literally blasting out of the ground, going back up to Spirit. I believe a lot of the energy was wrapped up in the walls of that old building. It was brought to the property years ago by my ex against my wishes. Those walls held a lot of bad energy and memories. It was well past time to let it go!
During times of decluttering and change, I cannot sleep. I am not awake and obsessing or thinking about anything in particular. I’m simply very wide awake. It is like riding a huge energy tsunami. Over the years I’ve learned to enjoy and even use these times for my benefit. The energy that had me laying awake gave me time to think and feel. I had been feeling fear high in my throat for many weeks. It was almost like being choked the feeling was so palpable. But why was it there and what was it attached to?
Since this didn’t seem attached to this lifetime—again following the energy—I knew this was something karmic.
Kintsugi “golden joinery”, also known as Kintsukuroi “golden repair”, is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with lacquer dusted mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. As a philosophy, it treats breakage and repair as part of the history of an object, rather than something to disguise. Highlighting the cracks and repairs as simply an event in the life of an object rather than allowing its service to end at the time of its damage or breakage. Kintsugi can relate to the Japanese philosophy of “no mind” which encompasses the concepts of non-attachment, acceptance of change and fate as aspects of human life. (From Wikipedia.)
Funny how a simple statement like the headline above has to be learned. Last week Friday I discovered all three dogs had cattle ticks deep in their ears. In the past they have had to go under anesthesia to remove ticks from the ear drum. Expensive time consuming, hard on the animal, and disruptive. Situations like these can bring on a mild panic. My regular vet was out of town so I had to make some calls. Finally I found a place that would take all three dogs. Small miracle! As a friend put it, I did a great job of co-creating to make that happen, through a passionate heart. (I love feedback like that.) So far so good.
As the day unfolded, what would normally be a stressful situation was somehow okay. I noticed a small tug when I felt panic rising about what could be an expensive, time consuming aftercare nightmare. This tug I felt made me feel more grounded. More calm. I gave credit to this new feeling to meditating regularly using Headspace. (Thanks Judy!) Meditating is relatively new for me and without the Headspace app, it would not be possible. As a result I am making progress in handling what life throws me. I am continually finding places to improve that will help me feel more grounded in all situations. Life takes practice. Often one small step at a time.
I think I was born to wait on others. Something that has my adult self wondering if I am an inflexible stick-in-the-mud of some sort. See the article My Kryptonite and Expect the Unexpected.I don’t want to be strict about it, and I want to have a very flexible attitude and outlook. But sometimes I really feel tested.
When I was younger, around grade school age or earlier, I waited endless nights for my dad to come home from work. I recall watching headlights go by hour after hour wishing so hard that the next set of lights would turn the corner and into our driveway. Wishing did not make it so. I remember feeling so confused and crushed by this, and as a child, ‘high functioning alcoholic’ was not in my vocabulary.
Don’t let anyone mess with your head. It can happen easily if you have been in a long-term relationship, or are in love. Being human, we all know everyone has different takes on what happened and what was said. We experience things differently, each one of us. Humans are fallible. If you have ever been on a jury, you will know that even if all twelve jurors hear the same words, there will be twelve interpretations of what was said. I’m here to tell you, do not ever let anyone tell you your version is not the truth, not true for you, or let them tell you your memory or opinion is wrong.
I am not sure I know if bullying is a good thing or a bad thing. For people, yes, it’s not a good thing. Or is it? I have two examples taken from nature and it has made me think about the subject much more deeply than the knee-jerk “no it’s never okay to be a bully” line of thinking. At least it warrants a deeper look.
Please know, in no way am I making light of anyone who has been a victim of bullying. And I am not condoning the practice. Too many people have been hurt by it. But maybe there is a better way around things? Maybe nature is trying to tell us a few things about it? I always look to nature for examples on how to handle what life throws me.
Last night I had errands to run after a full day at work. These days a full day at work is a bit much to take, but I do my best. My meds for my neuralgia make me feel like I’m going through molasses. Some days I work at home and that helps cut the stress. It cuts out 4 hours of commuting per week, and that is really helping. Every bit counts.
I had groceries to unpack after my long commute home, then picked up the pup from the neighbors. As I get in the door I have a lot to take care of right away. Geese need to be put in their pen, check water and feed. Make sure the door is raccoon proofed. Haul in and put groceries away. Put the clean dishes away that are on the kitchen counter, and do another batch. (I can’t stand having dirty dishes.) I make dinner for my three dogs. At my house it’s the rule that animals are fed before humans. I make sure the Senior and favorite soul dog, Mr. Google, gets his meds, and I take his leg brace off for the night. Only then I can make myself dinner, and finally sit down. At this point I’ve been going since 5:00 am. It’s now 7:30pm.
When you hold your own mind hostage, It’s like being in prison. It’s a lot of self-imposed suffering. I am guilty of this bad habit. It’s a bit like jumping to conclusions but bigger. It takes a while to dump it and change behavior.
Case in point: A friend of a friend said their friend went to a family gathering thinking the worst; that no one liked them, that they would be shunned, ignored, that they were disliked. Yet the opposite happened and the opposite was true. They were welcomed with open arms. They were able to catch up with a lot of people they had been estranged from and had totally the wrong information for many many years. The person who was responsible for spreading the dark information about them in the past was now out of the picture. How many years did our hero waste in shame and fear, thinking they were unloved by their own family? Way too many! It simply was not true. They were holding themselves hostage and suffering for it.
Someone recently asked me why some lessons seem to repeat. The best way for me to explain why lessons keep coming up is to look to my personal experience in the trenches. My years before The Long Exhale were spent in the most demeaning and abusive relationship. It was so bad I thought I’d die, or worse, have to keep living that life. It was a hard knot to untangle. I felt certain lessons come up, so clearly in my face during those 18 years. I could not for the life of me figure out why they kept coming up, until I was out of it. Then it was easy to see why I had been banging my head against the same wall. Perhaps my story might help others.