A huge revelation about self-doubt

While chatting with an old friend, I stumbled onto one of the biggest insights of my life. Something that seems so obvious to me now. Had I not had this conversation, this insight may not have been realized or verbalized. The idea would never have formed into words. Sometimes buried wisdom from years of experience and hindsight comes out in a flash while talking.

When I tell stories of my marriage—an abusive and dysfunctional relationship—it is from a distant vantage point. I find hindsight can be a wonderful gift showing me how far I’ve come, and how much I’ve learned. From this distance it’s like looking at someone else’s life. There is no pain, no regret, no negative feelings at all. Just observation. A place of deeper calm, clarity and maturity.

I always tell people, as difficult as that relationship was, it was necessary for my growth. If Dorothy had discovered her ruby slippers at the beginning of The Wizard of Oz story, she would never have gone on such a wild adventure. She would never have known her strengths, her fears. She never would have had to reach down into that deep well of inner personal strength and pull herself out to safety. She would have never truly known herself. And she would have never met all those wonderful friends along the way! I embraced that difficult time in my life as the same sort of adventure.

I related to my friend I never understood why I was so foolishly loyal in my marriage. Why did I stay well past the time I should have left? Then I realized what kept me hanging on. It was my own niggling self-doubt. Those thoughts of, “Maybe it is me at fault? Maybe I need to change? Maybe I can do something to salvage this mess? What can I do better?” Endlessly trying to make the relationship work, and endlessly filling myself with self-doubt. That kept me in a bad situation way past the time I should have left. While telling all this to my friend, the magical words came so easily…

“All my self doubts were what kept me in that relationship too long. Self-doubt is the opposite of intuition.”

Self doubt kills intuition. It does you no favors. It’s fear based and you don’t need it. Once you realize and internalize that, you have the key to unlock every door.

These days I follow my gut instinct as a way of life. I have tons of naturally occurring intuition that is like water flowing through my daily life. I have learned to recognize and use my intuitive nudges. Intuition is not only used for the big stuff, it’s for everyday use. This was the biggest positive thing that came out of a bad situation. Realizing intuition is a better, more organic way to live. And realizing self-doubt has no room in my life. I will never go there again.

Don’t let self doubt sabotage any part of your life, no matter how small. Not even when practicing self-improvement. Use your intuition instead and you will always come up with the right answer for any situation.

Don’t give up on what bugs you

My recent post on finding my purpose was about discovering something key to my life. I mean something BIG. A while back, a counselor I was seeing told me that my search and craving for my One Thing to do was just wanting to be recognized. And she urged me to settle, and just be happy exploring life. Now, there’s nothing wrong with that advice, except…

Had I not followed that ongoing urge, that niggling feeling that it was not okay to just let that sit, I never would have come to the realization of what my life’s path is. That’s really huge. I’d have been less of a person. Life would have been less rich, less full, and much less rewarding.

The bugging you thing….that is there for a reason. It’s a clue that you still have some exploring to do, and that’s your intuition talking to you. It’s saying

“Hey don’t give up! You’re not giving up that easily, are you? Nope. You have more work to do. Come on, off your duff, let’s get at it. Trust me! You’ll feel better for it. You might find something you didn’t even know was out there! Come on! Let’s go.”

— Your Intuition

I would suggest anything that keeps bugging you, even (and especially) in a small niggling or prodding way, should be followed up on. Keep working on it, turning it over in your mind, exploring what’s up. I guarantee you will be happier than just settling for something just so you can move on. It doesn’t have to be a big search, just follow up all those tendrils that find you.

I always am rewarded for my explorations in life. I guarantee you will be happier when you uncover whatever it is that you were meant to discover.

Comments are welcome. “Likes” tell me someone is listening. Love and Light, Patty

How I found my life’s purpose, totally by accident

Over the years I have felt keen frustration of not knowing my purpose and wanting my path to show up in one obvious form. I have always expected to have ‘my path’ open up before me and be clear. When I get to thinking that way I want to conk myself on the bean for being silly. Things don’t work that way. When has something worked out perfectly to plan in an orderly fashion? Doesn’t it happen more like…you have an idea of a goal, you start heading for it, and your path is interrupted a thousand ways? Then you end up totally somewhere else, but you are happy, and you didn’t see the outcome you were headed for, but you love it nonetheless?

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Lifelong dreams change form many times before reaching the goal

A good friend and were I talking about our dreams, how they come and go, each one almost coming to fruition and then fizzling out, disintegrating, and being out of reach. This can be disheartening and frustrating. The path seems to be right in front of you, only to disappear. The talk we had about having many things in life we each tried to bring to fruition that all seemed to fail, brought me to a new understanding.

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2019 came early with a big push

Before the holidays I decided to have my ceiling in the living room worked on. I had originally planned to have that done in January, but felt the intuitive nudge to get it done earlier. I had a local contractor come in and put up my new tin ceiling. It’s gorgeous! That meant that my beautiful new Balsam Hill Cadillac of Christmas trees would have to be stuffed into my bedroom. I had just received it and it was a big splurge. When the ceiling work was finished four days before Christmas, I was excited to finally be able to move and decorate my tree!

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A lesson in trust

After work in summer I take my dogs for a cool walk down my little river. During irrigation, the river is about one inch deep and mostly stagnant. The river boasts crayfish, gigantic arroyo frogs, dragonflies, butterflies, dark fishing spiders, tons of minnows and other wildlife. Because I recently had to deal with a rattlesnake I said out loud, “Hey is there anything up the river I need to be aware of?” The answer was both felt and heard. “Yes.” Me: “Oh, good. Wait! Is it deadly?” “No.” I could feel this in the core of my entire body, head to toe, as an unmistakable feeling of confirmation. Probably the strongest physical confirmation I have ever received. Consider me warned. I would be on the lookout for…whatever, and it was not going to kill me. Well now doesn’t that sound promising.

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Messages via forgotten lyrics

The other day I was feeling out of sorts, at odds with the world and myself. Think square peg in a round hole. A general malaise of having no focused life’s purpose in serving others yet, despite many attempts at different ways to serve. I have a very strong feeling to be of service. My chosen lifestyle in the country makes it hard to find the energy and time to commit to a business of my own where I can serve others. I am constantly on the go and already over extended. But it’s the life I love! So when exactly was I expecting this total life change to occur out of thin air?

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When is a good time for a change? Coffee time!

I used to have coffee almost every morning before work with a neighbor. Jokingly I would tell my buddy that I was there for coffee and conversation, but I really didn’t care much for the coffee. Companionship is something most single, older people desire. My platonic buddy and I have known each other at this writing for three years. We go riding on weekends weather permitting, and Saturday night we have spaghetti and watch silly TV shows together. Over the past year I had gotten into the habit of having coffee in the morning with him on my way to work. He used to be next door but he moved four houses down. Since our pups are litter mates, it started out innocently enough as me bringing my pup to play with his all day. Then I’d return to pick up my pup in the evening. It seemed easy enough since he moved so close.

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Ask, relax, and allow the answer in

If you are using your intuition but are not getting anything, ask Spirit. I have heard it hundreds of times, and I know it intellectually. But sometimes it takes an awareness during or after an experience to really bring it home. It needs to rest in your heart. For me this has been a hit and miss affair. Something happened to me the other day that helped me get that part of the co-creating process. It was the lynch pin to my understanding.

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My dinosaur-sized bone of contention.

Don’t let anyone mess with your head. It can happen easily if you have been in a long-term relationship, or are in love. Being human, we all know everyone has different takes on what happened and what was said. We experience things differently, each one of us. Humans are fallible. If you have ever been on a jury, you will know that even if all twelve jurors hear the same words, there will be twelve interpretations of what was said. I’m here to tell you, do not ever let anyone tell you your version is not the truth, not true for you, or let them tell you your memory or opinion is wrong.

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