How flipping things can change your attitude

As I was out changing the water for my goose, I was thinking it was Thursday, giddy at the thought that I had one more day to work before the weekend. For years I had a work schedule that allowed me to work from my home two days a week. Recently that schedule changed so I was working different days from home. At first the new schedule tends to slip me up. On the old schedule ear the end of the week, I’d be working at home, and the next day would be Friday. So in my mind, that day late in the week I am working from home is Thursday. I’ve been doing that schedule for years.

When I realized it was not Thursday, it’s only Wednesday, I felt let down. Then in the next second I thought, how silly it is that? I have done this for a few weeks now, mistaking Wednesday for Thursday, the coveted Friday-eve day. Using the tool I call flipping it, I discovered I had experienced not one but two days in the week that felt like the work week was almost over. That doesn’t suck, and it makes me feel so happy to have flipped it in that way. I was able to laugh at myself.

Although this seems like very small potatoes, this sort of thinking is very beneficial to a good outlook on life. Thinking like this makes me a happy person, laughing at myself. It makes me feel like I have a hold of my life in a very positive light. It makes me feel like a positive person at heart. The best benefit is that flipping it in this small way leads to flipping almost everything else. Now THAT is a happy life! It can lead to larger flips and larger happy realizations. Things start to flip automatically in your mind and you feel like you are really on a high wave. You don’t have to think about flipping something because your mind will be so used to it, it will happen automatically. You start looking for the silver lining in everything. It opens your mind to better things.

Next time you feel frustrated by even the tiniest thing, try and flip it in any way possible. After all, its your mind that you are flipping, not the situation. And as we all know, the only thing we really ever have control of is how we react to a situation. Happy Flipping!

Comments and dialogue are encouraged and welcome. Likes tell me someone is listening. Love and Light, Patty.

Experiencing The Now

Oh what a blissful time that was when I found The Now, where no time existed. Due to months of various physical problems (which I am totally unaccustomed to) I was down and out, sicker than a dog. My IBS was in full swing and it was new to me. I also had flu-like symptoms that laid me flat out. Those flu symptoms came ever other week for many weeks. I had other things that were a huge source of worry and it was all too much for my little head to deal with. I’ve enjoyed a lifetime of health.

I was in my guest room, a brightly colored room with ‘mango madness’ paint on the walls, and items from around the world that lent a lovely flair to the room. It is a room I hardly spend any time in, so it was a welcome change. I had a futon that looked out onto my yard and a large portion of the lovely blue New Mexico sky. As I lay there with my dogs, I was so sick I could not move. It is a very rare occurrence in my world that I am unable to physically do anything. My mind is a ‘doing mind’ and forever searching for things to fix, repair, create, or explore. Resigning to the moment was inevitable in my current physical state.

I lay there taking in the warmth of the sunshine in the afternoon sky. This felt good. As I stared out the window time seemed to stretch out on either side of me, to the left and to the right. It stretched out to infinity. Time seemed to stop and there I was. Now. Not elsewhere in my mind. Experiencing the present moment. I’ve had the experience of time stopping in dreams, but I have never had it stop for hours at a time. This was delicious!

I am nearing retirement enough to think about what it might be like as a single person. Will it be fun? Lonely? Will I ache for some ‘purpose’ after my first week of freedom? Or will I embrace the time I have left by exploring more of my world? We never know these things until we get there. People like me thrive on a purpose outside ourselves. I am not a person who watches TV in the daytime unless it is Sunday and I am into watching baking shows or that Antiques Road Show while I bake or clean. Even then it’s rare. I have a friend who does nothing but watch TV in his tiny, dark living room. It feel bad for him, except I know it is what he wants to do. Still, I fear living like that, where all I do is watch the boob tube all day. I have heard that watching TV is like painting your third eye with black paint. Agreed!

As I experienced the Now time, I felt that my retirement, or any time for that matter, would be a wonderful opportunity for me to explore all I have wanted to explore, but have not had the time. I rarely get out or engage with others, due to my needing and desiring to live in nature, in the boonies. It’s lovely but it is far from civilization. Needing nature but wanting to be social at the same time is polarizing. In the Now, I imagined myself going to a nearby city to learn about Shamanism, practice my tarot, join a nearby group, or go to the lovely farmer’s market where they have bands play as you shop for fresh produce. I imagined and could feel to my right and left time stretching out to infinity with me in the middle of this lovely tableau of life, feeling no pressure whatsoever. I finally felt free to do as I pleased and it was good.

The Now Time did not last long, but it was utterly delicious and I had no fear at all of the future. The experience gave me a totally new-to-me perspective. A new set of eyes to look out of. For me the Cosmic 2×4 had struck again. Yes it takes a lot to get me to pay attention. I know when I am experiencing something like this, the Universe/Spirit has been trying to get my attention in order to help me see something. It takes so much to get through to me due to my stubborn nature. This was not meditation, intuition, or insight. This was cosmic guidance. I wish I were a bit more aware so I could see things more easily. Then there would be no need to have me thrown off a horse, laid low with illness, or whatever else needed for me to slow down enough to see the world in a different light. Have you ever experienced time slowing down, or stopping, so you are just in the moment? If you have, I would love to hear about your experience.

Comments and dialogue are encouraged and welcome. Likes tell me someone is listening. Love and Light, Patty.

Hearing words I never thought I’d hear

You may have heard of a book by Catherine Ryan Hyde called Pay It Forward. Recently I was reading The Wake Up, by the same author. In this story we see through the eyes of the lead man what it is like to be a sensitive and an Empath. The fact that the author chose a rough and tumble cowboy for her lead character was genius. No one expects a person who is tough on the outside to be sensitive on the inside. We see him discover new found awarenesses and sensations, and the arc of his life is changed forever. It is awkward for him as he wakes up to this new way of being. Some people in his life cannot deal with the change. But he knows he cannot go back, nor does he want to. He must live this new life making his way forward in a totally new landscape. He finds his true north by surrendering to the new, and going in a new direction.

Much of the book was like reading about my own life in the lead character’s sensitivities. My IBS was going full blower at the time. This was partly due to many different worries eating away at me. I am in my head too much. Part of IBS is in your head. Yes my doctor even told me that. Worries will translate to the ganglia in your gut they refer to as your ‘second brain’. A network of half a million nerve cells and neurons in the gut wall, responsible for controlling the gastrointestinal system. Your gut and your brain are in constant contact. A gut feeling…yes you guessed it. That’s it too. In horses this huge nerve network in their gut helps them survive. Read Linda Kohanov’s, The Tao of Equus—a book that changed how I see the world. I am still in a phase of waking up to this ability of sensing with my gut. I’m in the early phases of finding out how to read these new signals. This uncomfortable experience helps me to open up and be less complacent and has made me hugely vulnerable and sensitive. I am trying my best to surrender to it. To do otherwise would be avoiding personal growth.

During all this internal upheaval I have a dream. In order to better understand the dream, you will need a bit of my history. I went through years of abuse, verbal and emotional, with a narcissistic hoarder who went through 30 jobs in 18 years. I was constantly told I was not good enough, and there was always this invisible, unknowable thing I was ‘responsible for fixing’ but he would never tell me what it was. My every action and sound was harshly criticized. I had no rest from the chaos. This life drove me crazy. He had complete control of my life, as I had given my power away totally. It was to the point I thought I would not get out of the marriage alive. I am eleven years free at this point and rarely think of that life anymore.

In this dream I am with my ex-husband, and the scene is chaotic. I am getting ready for work, trying to be responsible. All the while my ex is trying to buy some huge piece of junk like an old sailboat or an old house trailer. It’s another crazy project we don’t need to complicate our lives. His friends are living with us eating us out of house and home, and acting like children. I’m being run over roughshod again and have that familiar sick feeling of trying to hold everything together while he does crazy stuff. I am the eye of the storm trying desperately not to be overtaken by it. He is totally ignoring my needs, and our situation. I am standing facing my ex husband trying to salvage things so I don’t end up paying for his chaos. Time slowed down to a stop. When time stops in a dream I know what comes next is important. As I try desperately to tell him I need to get to my job! Please! Finally he looks me in the eye and says…

“Let’s get you to work, what I want is not important.”

His words are sucked into me like a sponge gulping up water. I am still. My heart opens for healing. I feel relief. The chaos is gone. I can hardly believe what I hear. The words sounded sincere. Heartfelt. This tiny, momentary acknowledgement in a dream, of my ex actually seeing me for even a few seconds was big. Really big. The person that had been my oppressor stopped what he was doing, saw me, and apologized for his behavior. Wow. Even this small admittance was huge, because I never got that in life.

You cannot get out of the after effects of being abused overnight. It has taken eleven years of happy on-my-own-ness to get here. Did I really hear those words? What a lovely feeling it was! What a gift! I feel a relief I never knew was missing. Maybe that is what I am processing and why my body is rebelling, and finally dumping the debris from these hard years. Maybe that is what all this churning miasma my gut is about. There was something big that was coming and my body sensed it before it became something to intellectualize. It is not something that would have ever happened in ‘real life’ so it had to happen in another plane of existence. It was time.

Writing to the public about this personal experience may help others who feel they will never hear words they need to hear in order to heal. In the dream state, time and space are no longer hurdles to overcome. Therefore it can happen even if your oppressor is deceased. It happened to me even though I had not been thinking of my ex-husband or that old life. On some basic level, I needed to hear those words in a heartfelt and believable way. On some level I created this experience for healing. It is a healing that will most likely take place over the rest of my life. Not to say I am damaged goods or that I feel like a victim. Quite the contrary! I feel very empowered and happy with my new life. Ecstatic even! This experience is more like the Japanese art of Kintsugi where broken ceramics are fixed with gold. Kintsugi makes the scars hard to ignore because now they are beautiful and part of the story of the piece. I felt so lucky I was sent this dream, this scenario, this message. This healing. I am in gratitude.

Comments and dialogue are encouraged and welcome. “Likes” tell me someone is out there listening. Love and Light, Patty

When is a good time for a change? Coffee time!

I used to have coffee almost every morning before work with a neighbor. Jokingly I would tell my buddy that I was there for coffee and conversation, but I really didn’t care much for the coffee. Companionship is something most single, older people desire. My platonic buddy and I have known each other at this writing for three years. We go riding on weekends weather permitting, and Saturday night we have spaghetti and watch silly TV shows together. Over the past year I had gotten into the habit of having coffee in the morning with him on my way to work. He used to be next door but he moved four houses down. Since our pups are litter mates, it started out innocently enough as me bringing my pup to play with his all day. Then I’d return to pick up my pup in the evening. It seemed easy enough since he moved so close.

One day we were having morning coffee and I was showing him pictures of a few items on my phone that I had purchased. I thought he’d be interested in them because earlier he had expressed an interest in similar items and he does not have the internet to look things up. As I was telling him about my purchases and talking about the lapis lazuli and coffee jasper I had purchased, he went through a curtain that is between the living room and the kitchen. I assumed he was getting another cup of coffee, so I kept describing the items and was telling him I was excited to be getting these in the mail soon. I ended my sentence by saying…

“…are you even there? No? Ahh I didn’t think so. Oh my.” Sigh.

My friend had gotten up while I was talking mid sentence, went to the bathroom and was gone for a good long time. When he retuned he sat down and just kept staring at the floor, or his coffee cup. He didn’t ask what I had been talking about. In fact it was if I was not even in the room. Sometimes I would end a sentence with a question and he’d just smile at me or stare at the wall as if he were oblivious. It was clear he had not been paying attention, or could not hear me, or both. A clear sign of not caring. Even though my friend’s normal nature is to be reserved and quiet, I felt this was rude behavior. I’d never do anything like that to him. So I excused myself and left for work saying I had to get there early. My feelings were hurt.

Since this was about the 20th time he had done the same thing over the past year. I wanted to make sure I was not at fault. Was I welcome? When it was time for me to leave he would say ‘do you have to?’ which showed me he wanted my company. Was I dominating the conversation? The next day I said almost nothing, letting him have the floor. You could have heard a pin drop the entire time. Over time I had dismissed all those other times I felt ignored. Was I nothing better than a babysitter? Over time I made hundreds of excuses for his lack of caring. But this was not working for me. Casper Milk Toast would have better manners. And in a way I felt I was being used to keep him company…while he was ignoring me!? That’s not good.

Conversations should not be one way. Otherwise you are just playing handball with the drapes. Our conversations had been mostly one way for a long time. My buddy is not the talkative type and can be reserved, and often very needy. But  wanted someone to talk with, not to.  This whole thing made me reflect on the status quo. Is it time for a change on some level? My intuition had been nudging me for some time, trying to tell me that I was spending way too much time there. Between going for coffee, picking up the dog after work, our riding and our Saturday TV night, I think my stop at his home were in the range of between 12 and 18 a week. I have a hectic enough schedule and wouldn’t it be nice to cut that down?

The energy of the current relationship felt wrong. I believe everything is energy and this felt like being mired down in the mud, not being in flow. Time for a change. Doesn’t have to be drastic either, let’s not throw out the baby with the bath water. Immediately after making this decision the energy seemed to be feeling better already. That’s my gut telling me yes, I made the right choice. That night I had a vivid dream of driving onto the wrong pathway. I had taken a wrong turn. I turned the car back around and it was easy to get back on the right path. This is a clear sign to me. Very clear, that I am making the right decision.

Rearranging my schedule to put me more in the center of my own life, taking care of my needs first was key. This would be new on an everyday level and on a life level. I had never thought of me first. I cut my visits back to weekends. Riding was the core of our friendship and that’s the only time I can do it. We’d keep our Saturday evening with spaghetti and fun TV time because we laugh the whole time. Laughter is good medicine. With my extra time, I could do more with my animals and my meditation. This would mean having a leisurely time getting out the door and enjoying the special energy of early mornings, which I love so much. Ah, yes, this was working for me! And it worked for my friend too. He needs to get out and meet other people, and maybe even hook up with a special someone. If I keep going over all the time, he’ll feel no impetus to change things, and that someone special would think he was already taken.

Putting myself first and making healthier habits was new to me. Brand new. But I am a firm believer in being the author of my own life. Check the energy to see if it all feels right. It was hard to make these changes, but part of the old me that felt loyal to a fault was gone. The thought it was okay to take time for myself was new and refreshing. This felt better on a whole new level.

Humans are hard wired to follow habitual routines. So that’s good news in developing a new habit. Just stick with it for between 10 and 15 days and you have a new habit. 🙂 Trust your gut when you have a feeling that you want to do that old thing, but you know you shouldn’t. Resist for a few moments, recognize that you want to change, and do your new thing. I found the resisting part to be the hardest. So I substituted a small activity like pouring a cup of tea or even kicking the ball for the dogs. It only took seconds of changing my activity to get past the urge to do the old thing. If you want to change, it won’t take long. Keep in mind that old habit will not want to die out those first few times you try and change your routine. Stick with it! Believe me, meditation practice will help you with tasks like these even though it doesn’t seem logical.

It’s healthy to make such assessments and change in your life. You don’t need an incident to wake you up. Check the energy. How does it feel? You can make small changes that make big differences any time you feel the need. Make sure you are spending time doing what is good for you, your growth, and then consider others. In a way I was enabling my friend to not get out and experience more of life, and meet new friends. This feels better all the way around. Why didn’t I do this a year ago? Let’s not go there, lol.

Comments always welcome and encouraged. You will have to view this blog entry by itself by clicking on the headline, in order to make a reply at the bottom. 

 

 

 

 

On gossip and complaining

Not engaging in gossip in a small office or group of people is very hard to do. Gossip may start out in the form of being strictly information. But be careful. I have often been tempted to join in. It is a lifelong work in progress and I constantly work on being more positive and happy. At the time of writing this article, I have been at my current job over fourteen years. There is a high potential for a lot of baggage to have collected over the years. Learning to let go is a good habit. Learning not to collect the baggage in the first place is even better! I am proud to say that where I work, there is very little gossip these days.

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Gossiping doesn’t make for a happy day at work, and it only makes you feel less in control of your situation. On top of that it leaves you feeling worse than when you began. There’s a reason for that. Being a gossip or engaging in negative talk results in much lower-vibrational energy and much lower feelings of worth. It’s not worth it just to fit in and go along with the crowd, or be one of the gang.

For me, going with group mentality and not rocking the boat has been a lifelong habit of self-survival. I am now finding this does not suit my spiritual growth. If I find that I have slipped and gossiped or complained about a coworker or situation—even if it seems I am being factual and only reporting what I observe—I get a physical feeling in my gut that is uncomfortable. I know it was wrong to do and was negative energy. This feeling is a physical manifestation of my intuition telling me I have been engaging in a low-vibrational activity that does not suit my higher good. Continue reading