I have wonderful friends that cheer me on when I’m having a difficult time. My friends have been a source of solace and comfort. For several years I’ve had an uncomfortable chronic condition that recently cleared up. When I am having an episode I sometimes tell my friends so they know I will be down for the count for a few days, unable to drive a vehicle, focus. It’s not a complaint, just a fact that is meant to inform and set expectations.
Occasionally I get a response as follows: “Don’t attract that to yourself! Don’t talk like that or you will attract it to you!” Well I know they mean well but that advice seems rather out of place. It seems to go against the idea that I actually do have something chronic. To say otherwise is denial of the current moment. I’ve never gone wrong following the advice of Eckhart Tolle as teaches us in his quote:
Accept — then act. Whatever the present moment contains,
accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.
On the face of it, the Law of Attraction seems to deny the current moment. How can that be? There seemed to be a naturally inherent conondrum with the Law of Attraction.
Through the churning miasma and the cosmic 2×4 I’ve recently learned something valuable about myself. Many different factors have lead to this life change. I’ve been under pressure and experienced some very humbling moments recently. So not like me. Physically I’ve had problems with sinus-related vertigo. I’ve been unsteady on my feet and a bit slower. I’ve had much lower energy and feel like I’m dragging around. I’ve been unable to sleep well lately.
When we are weakest, the big lessons have a chance at crashing the party.
The thing that brought about the change—the catalyst—was that an old building was being torn down on my property. Cleaning and decluttering always sets free a lot of old, held down energy. There is a huge, huge release of energy literally blasting out of the ground, going back up to Spirit. I believe a lot of the energy was wrapped up in the walls of that old building. It was brought to the property years ago by my ex against my wishes. Those walls held a lot of bad energy and memories. It was well past time to let it go!
During times of decluttering and change, I cannot sleep. I am not awake and obsessing or thinking about anything in particular. I’m simply very wide awake. It is like riding a huge energy tsunami. Over the years I’ve learned to enjoy and even use these times for my benefit. The energy that had me laying awake gave me time to think and feel. I had been feeling fear high in my throat for many weeks. It was almost like being choked the feeling was so palpable. But why was it there and what was it attached to?
Since this didn’t seem attached to this lifetime—again following the energy—I knew this was something karmic.
All this year I have felt there has been a doorway to my energy, constantly opening and shutting. One day fully open, tons of energy, drive and good feelings abound. The next day it’s closed, no energy, no focus, no drive, nada. Like going through a revolving door and not getting anywhere but experiencing the frenetic thwump-thwuming of the door going round and round. Happy for the good days. Dismayed and frustrated at the bad.
Recently everything changed. I don’t know any other way to put it, but it seems many long-standing problems I’ve been dealing with are solving themselves.
I have a deeply ingrained urge to help others, to be of assistance when I can. It’s part of being an empath. I feel strongly for others. I have a tendency to take someone under my wing and advise them if they seem needy. There are many people I listen to and never give advice to as they seem wiser than yours truly. But for those who seem like they could use a hand, I advise. I suggest. I hope. I inform. I try and give the information—the benefit of my own experience—to save them trouble. But where is that middle ground between helping and interfering? Between caring and expecting too much? Today I question my own motives in getting involved with others. People have their own path to walk, their own lessons to learn. I want to be able to let people have their own experiences. Will I be able to do this?
The other day I was on the phone with a professional from a trusted company. On the call we were dealing with a problem. These things happen. However, I felt like a steam roller went over me. I was not being listened to…at all. I could not get a syllable in edgewise. Someone at his end screwed up. Each time I tried to speak, he interrupted again with his line of thinking, and…he was scolding me! At this point I felt totally humiliated, shamed and small, with a feeling of not knowing what just happened.
My writing process involves actual physical feelings that occur as I work on stories. The paragraphs come alive, I have realizations, a-ha moments, and there is growth as I write. By the time I am done, the entire article has a glow felt in my body. Everything comes together and I feel a glow in my chest and abdomen as I write or proofread. It’s so cool. 🙂 I can tell which paragraphs need work because that physical feeling might be absent, or it does not feel good. When ideas are really popping I have a dozen stories in draft form at any one time. As I scan my list of drafts to decide which one to work on next I get a physical feeling—BOOM—and I have my answer. I chuckle to myself because this is not only fun, it’s awesome! It’s like having a secret super power. Eight months ago this was not true. It’s something that has recently developed. Probably due to my recent low points leaving me super sensitive to all that goes on.