Healing: Acceptance, slowing down, deep diving, and finding ways to thrive

In my last post I thought I had solved a long-standing physical issue just as I felt I was on the cusp of moving forward. The Universe had other plans for me. There was much from my past still stuck in my body (aka PTSD) that needed processing and ousting. I believe the body holds onto trauma long after you have processed it emotionally and mentally. You feel fine, like you are over it. But then comes a trigger and your body is instantly in panic mode. Then you realize you have more to process and let go of.

Forgiveness

It has not been a easy road. In fact it’s been very bumpy, drawn out, and terribly inconvenient. But clearing the decks and letting go of the past comes before you can move on. I had forgotten this in my excitement at the idea of achieving a new level. I cut cords to those from my past one more time and added a good dose of forgiveness for all parties involved, including myself. The road to healing is more than about the body. You must heal at every level.

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Problems solving themselves: moving to the next level

All this year I have felt there has been a doorway to my energy, constantly opening and shutting. One day fully open, tons of energy, drive and good feelings abound. The next day it’s closed, no energy, no focus, no drive, nada. Like going through a revolving door and not getting anywhere but experiencing the frenetic thwump-thwuming of the door going round and round. Happy for the good days. Dismayed and frustrated at the bad.

Recently everything changed. I don’t know any other way to put it, but it seems many long-standing problems I’ve been dealing with are solving themselves.

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The Hook of Anger, and Some Solutions

As hard as it is to admit I’m one of the worst for having an adult temper tantrum. It happens rarely, but when it does I wonder why I can let someone rattle my cage. I’m a devotee of the gentle and understated guru, Eckhart Tolle. I am also a disciple of all things Pema Chödrön. Pema is a lovely western Buddhist nun with a lot of solid, no-nonsense advice about how to not let yourself get hooked.

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‘Tis the season for self care!

A blogger I admire recently spoke about self care. I’d like to add my encouragement for you to practice self care, especially now, as the hectic season of holidays approach.

Start making your personal care come first. Practice early and often. Even a few errands may feel like a mountain of things to accomplish. Don’t beat yourself up when it comes to what you did not accomplish today or this week. Easy does it.

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The unexpected joys of working remotely

After 14 years at my last job I was allowed to work remotely toward the end of my tenure there. First it was two days remote per week. Then after two years, three days remote. This took awhile for me to adjust. I wondered what working totally remotely will look like, thing it would be lonely, boring or stifling.

Four and a half months ago I was laid off that job. Being home for four months, I had a lot of time to make adjustments to being home full time. That’s a lot of alone time for a single gal out in the sticks. There were physical and emotional adjustments being made. And honestly, a whole new landscape eventually showed itself to me. It took time to unfold, but by the end of four months, everything looked and felt different.

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When dreams rise to the top

Many times over the years I have yearned to be out of the corporate workplace. When frustrated I would have dreams of switching to something more healing focused, like doing massage, Reiki, or physical therapy. Anything but sitting behind a computer in an atmosphere of push, push, push to make the bottom line. I spent 35 years as a graphic designer and seven as a coding supervisor pushing data around. It was not heart centered work, but I loved the people I worked with. We were all very lovely people, committed to the work and to each other.

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What a difference a day makes!

Within a 24-hour period a job I had, and loved, for over 16 years ended. I went from being employed to…semi-retired. From relatively financially comfortable to Oh No! My day yesterday was 95% Yippee Yahoo and 5% Oh $hit. I went in to clean out my desk and say goodbye to beloved coworkers. They seemed sad as they hugged me, and I assured them I was more worried about them, than about myself. I was going to retire! And my former co-workers had to band together and pick up the slack and make the company chug forward, as a third of the company was let go. That’s a huge task. But they are a small group of very committed and talented people.

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Dream that foretold events

Last night I had another dream about wanting a divorce and separating from a situation. I am divorced over 11 years and it feels good. But I thought I was over these types of dreams of release. I have felt the relief over and over of being out of that situation. (Well, relief like that never gets old.) I guess I had more to process. Or so I thought.

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Cut the ties that bind, even though you loved them.

In December I started the Spring clean up, throwing out, and general re-org of pretty much everything in my life. I do this about every six months. The KonMarie method was new and I wanted to try it. As a result I made some big discoveries. I decided to sell my glass bead making torch, tools, all glass, the whole enchilada. That was a huge step for me. I’ve been at that hobby for almost 17 years. But in the last few years I had not been at the torch much. My studio was in an old building on my property where silt and dust collected daily. You can’t work with glass and sand and dirt. Should I ever want to take up this wonderful hobby again, I would get new equipment, a different torch, and work in a larger format.

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That awful sticky place of dread

Recently I was in a terribly wobbly place taking care of someone close to me. This friend had recently had serious back surgery. I knew he would depend on me solely. In our tiny community we depend on each other, especially as we age. Most everyone else my friend knows is retired, and I work full time. I would do what I could, but I felt that sticky and uncomfortable place of having someone else depend on me totally when I knew it would take a supreme effort for me to do everything necessary. I knew there were others that were totally willing to help, that kept volunteering. My friend kept refusing them, saying “Patty will do it all.”

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