When dreams rise to the top

Many times over the years I have yearned to be out of the corporate workplace. When frustrated I would have dreams of switching to something more healing focused, like doing massage, Reiki, or physical therapy. Anything but sitting behind a computer in an atmosphere of push, push, push to make the bottom line. I spent 35 years as a graphic designer and seven as a coding supervisor pushing data around. It was not heart centered work, but I loved the people I worked with. We were all very lovely people, committed to the work and to each other.

Over the years, I joked with people that if I found myself out of work, I’d do something simple like work in a greenhouse, or shovel horse poop at a stables, just earning enough to get by. The problem with those fantasies of jumping the corporate ship were many. Especially if I wanted to leave to pursue a business of my own. My thoughts were always “I can’t leave my day job. What will I do for health insurance? How will I start the business? How would I survive until my business got going enough to pay my bills?” The realities of living that dream life come into stark focus when you lose your day job.

When you face the realities of life without that security blanket of a regular paycheck, two things happen. Of course, you freak out. It happens and you have to wrap your mind around the hows of getting by. Even with something as lovely as severance package of a few months cushion, there is panic and scrambling. A lot of scrambling. But after that subsides a bit, something wonderful happens…


Once the $hit hits the fan, your dreams can rise to the top.

—Patty Daley

Your dreams float to the top, rising out of the muck of all those worries and fears. Because the worst of the ‘what if’ of it all has already happened. You no longer have that day job as income, or as an anchor. Choose which way you want to look at it. It is over and you must say your gracious goodbyes. That chapter of your life is gone. As for the new stuff, Spirit won’t give you any more than you can handle.

Now you are free to sift through the smaller day-to-day details of following that dream, no longer anchored by the ‘what if I quit my day job’ worries. I’m pretty sure this is not only good news, but a huge green light. Attitude of Gratitude peeps. So far I like being on the other side. Dreams come into sharper focus, and are much more attainable. As I like to say, “The world is my clam!”

Comments are welcome. “Likes” tell me someone is listening. Love and Light, ❤ Patty

What a difference a day makes!

Within a 24-hour period a job I had, and loved, for over 16 years ended. I went from being employed to…semi-retired. From relatively financially comfortable to Oh No! My day yesterday was 95% Yippee Yahoo and 5% Oh $hit. I went in to clean out my desk and say goodbye to beloved coworkers. They seemed sad as they hugged me, and I assured them I was more worried about them, than about myself. I was going to retire! And my former co-workers had to band together and pick up the slack and make the company chug forward, as a third of the company was let go. That’s a huge task. But they are a small group of very committed and talented people.

I came away with a part time freelance job, a nice severance package, hugs and well wishes from everyone including the owner of the company, who I have always liked, and a feeling of complete and total freedom! I also visited the Social Security office, will visit the Medicaid office, see about my 401k, do a new set of monthly bills for the time period after the severance package ends, and see about early retirement!

I left the building with a coveted antique wall weaving (hand knotted from Egypt) that the owner gave me as a parting gift. He heard I loved it although I never told him that. And it landed square in my lap! I also got a beautiful rust colored skirt and top complete with hand embroidery and turquoise stones stitched in it that a co-worker was giving to charity. When she saw me go by she said “Here! Maybe you would like this!” Score! I also apparently had squirreled away tons of chocolate in my desk that happily found a corner of my fridge at home to live in.

I was so out of body, mixed emotions about a short and unexpected goodbye from a place that had become like home to me. I had run all my errands in town and was free as a bird. I got home, unpacked my belongings and was so utterly spent I could hardly stand up. I felt elated, dizzy, tired, exhausted, happy, thrilled, and could feel new possibilities hovering around me like angels dancing above my head.

A friend had invited me to help work out her horses that afternoon, and I said I’d come by, even in my exhausted state. Wisely she instructed me to sit and watch her work out the horses. Being so out of body is not a good time to ride. But it helped me to watch the gentle cadence of all that unfolded. The thoughtful, rhythmic brushing of the horse, walking for warm up, and her riding which was like watching a ballet unfold, horse and rider as one. After we chatted for half an hour and, of course, my friend knew this was also much needed. I was given big hugs by her, and her husband with the phrase “Welcome to your life!” and “Welcome to the real world!”

I went to bed early in my exhausted state. The next morning I woke up, opened the front door to let the dogs out, and noticed I had left my car/home keys IN the front door all night! I must have been so out of it.

This morning finds me more back to Patty normal, with a plan of action in mind. Do that bills scenario for the next year, meditate, walk the dogs, and talk to good friends. AFTER that first cup of coffee! Priorities you know. 😉

May all your lemons turn into lemonade as fast as mine have. Life is indeed good!

Comments are welcome. “Likes” tell me someone is listening. Love and Light, ❤ Patty

Dream that foretold events

Last night I had another dream about wanting a divorce and separating from a situation. I am divorced over 11 years and it feels good. But I thought I was over these types of dreams of release. I have felt the relief over and over of being out of that situation. (Well, relief like that never gets old.) I guess I had more to process. Or so I thought.

In the dream I am wearing conservative work clothing, but I am at home. I ask for the divorce and I want the separation. (There is no one in the room oddly.) I am granted my wish and I am relieved it has happened. There is a web-cam high on the wall and I cover it up, not wanting any more contact. It is done. Finally I am able to spend more time with my dogs and I am on my own once again. The dogs and I go into my room, close the door. We are all feeling reserved but also very relieved. Life is good and will get better. (Big grin.) End of dream.

At one point this morning, working from home, my email account closed down. This type of connectivity hiccup happens frequently so I was not surprised. However the message was a bit different. “Your gmail account has been deactivated.” Uh oh number one. Better call into work and see if they are messing around with new software or accounts. I have heard just yesterday they were switching things around. I call in and talk to the office manager, a friend of almost 17 years. I ask to talk to the IT guys, explaining to the office manager that I can’t get to my email. I can hear the CFO in the background saying “Tell her someone will call her right back.” Uh oh number two. About thirty seconds later my boss calls. BIG uh oh. I know what is coming. Oddly I feel fine.

My boss, a compassionate hard working woman, is crying so hard she can hardly talk. I feel for her. She tells me things have been hard at the company lately, and she has been going to bat for us for a long time trying to avoid this day. I say “Let me say it for you. I don’t have a job anymore.” She confirms I have been laid off after more than sixteen years. My boss and I talk about the details and I find myself comforting her. She should not carry this weight around and I feel complete and total relief at the news. I loved working there, the environment, the people. I felt like I was working out a soul contract with the owner and other people there. But I was tired and wanted to retire some time ago. Since I work for a very small company, this does not bode well for those that remain. I have dodged a huge bullet.

I hang up, and oddly my work ethic is to get back to work. I’m in the middle of a job and I want to finish it and email the owner of the company to check my work so we can publish what I have been working on. I go back to my computer and realize….where is my email? Oh, wait…I don’t have a job anymore. YIPPEE! I run out the door, hands raised and say “Free at last. Free at last!” I am ebullient, euphoric, and happy. I feel that 1,000 lb. weight has been lifted off my shoulders. At the age of 61 I reflect back on having been in the work force since the age of 14. At times I have had more than one job, while attending full time college. I have a good work ethic, and enjoy having my nose to the grindstone. I love being of service.

But now it is time for a bit of a rest. A time to regroup, rest, and heal. I have a severance package of a few months, three weeks of vacation pay, and may do ‘early retirement’ if at all possible. Health insurance…well that will be a tough one, but I have some resources for that. All my actions over many months to cut down websites, costs, sell items I no longer use—it all comes into sharp focus now. By a happy accident, I have many months worth of an expensive drug I cannot be without for even a day. The planets seem to have been aligning all this time.

I am not worried. I have many skills. Many ways I can package myself if needed. I am an excellent organizer, can clean hoarder houses, I can set up and help people with doing their monthly expenses, and help by supporting them in almost any way. I have been a graphic artist for over 30 years, but hope to not have to pick up that skill at this point in my life. I’d rather work at a greenhouse, a grocery store, or a stables shoveling poop. I want to work outside, if I work at all. I could do tarot readings, teach people about their intuitive skills, or how to dump drama. There is much I have studied and learned in my life on the planet.

Right now, I will spend a few months eating well, taking care of my body, and relaxing. My home and car are paid for long ago. I’ll go to the SS office next week. I will apply for Cobra and get my finances in ship shape order. All is well. My dogs are thrilled that I can kick that old basketball around the yard all day along. They are all for this new change. 😉

It’s like that dream I had last night. The work clothes were a big clue. So was the web-cam, as that is how I have daily meetings remotely. So is the ‘person’ I ask for the divorce from…they were not in the room. I was alone at home when I got the news. A breaking off from a long relationship. A huge relief, and a new beginning, with happy dogs spending more time with me. It’s all there.

To sum it up nicely, one of my brothers texted me after he heard the news, and I feel this says it best, “Congratulations on your promotion!”

Comments are welcome. “Likes” tell me someone is listening. Love and Light, ❤ Patty

Cut the ties that bind, even though you loved them.

In December I started the Spring clean up, throwing out, and general re-org of pretty much everything in my life. I do this about every six months. The KonMarie method was new and I wanted to try it. As a result I made some big discoveries. I decided to sell my glass bead making torch, tools, all glass, the whole enchilada. That was a huge step for me. I’ve been at that hobby for almost 17 years. But in the last few years I had not been at the torch much. My studio was in an old building on my property where silt and dust collected daily. You can’t work with glass and sand and dirt. Should I ever want to take up this wonderful hobby again, I would get new equipment, a different torch, and work in a larger format.

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That awful sticky place of dread

Recently I was in a terribly wobbly place taking care of someone close to me. This friend had recently had serious back surgery. I knew he would depend on me solely. In our tiny community we depend on each other, especially as we age. Most everyone else my friend knows is retired, and I work full time. I would do what I could, but I felt that sticky and uncomfortable place of having someone else depend on me totally when I knew it would take a supreme effort for me to do everything necessary. I knew there were others that were totally willing to help, that kept volunteering. My friend kept refusing them, saying “Patty will do it all.”

It’s a terrible thing to say, or even think, you do not want to help someone for several reasons. One is society expects us all to be cheerful, concerned caregivers. Two, because I am an overly nurturing person by nature, why would this make me cringe? It was the overwhelming idea of the whole kit-and-caboodle that had me scared. There was something about this looming responsibility that had me quaking like a leaf. It makes me feel like a bad person for even having those feelings. I usually love to be wanted and needed, filling the role of nurturer.

This is what was going on with me that might help explain this feeling. The surgery came at a time when I had been trying to lessen my dependence on this person for my sake and his. My own dependence on him for filling my social needs has never been met and I needed to broaden my social scope. It’s not his fault whatsoever. He’s a good egg. He is in fact a dear friend. I am having a strong yearning for conversation and company and it won’t go away. The time for change is long overdue and I had been putting off the inevitable for over a year now. I must expand my horizons! The looming post-surgery tasks seemed to be holding me back just at a time when I want to burst out! Feelings of frustration, guilt, but also care, were building and mixing.

With some insistence I was able to get him to call on other neighbors who were happy to share the burden with me. I was happy to do my part and stock his fridge and freezer with groceries that were easy to fix and eat. I was thrilled to look after his sweet dog for a few days. In the days immediately following his surgery I felt better. I tried making coffee for him, which I totally flubbed two days in a row, with coffee all over the counter! I checked in on him in the early mornings to see his pain level, got him to start moving a bit. Urged him to walk more, as advised by the doctor. I changed his bandages, etc.

I believe Spirit turns up the pressure when there is a lesson looming.

When we want to diet, everything conspires to tempt you. Gooey brownies and donuts are brought into work. Your neighbor comes over with homemade banana bread. You know the drill. For me it was wanting to get out in the community more and expand my horizons. That’s when the surgery gets scheduled and you know you have to spend more time, not less, doing something you know does not suit you. But Spirit knows best.

My friend and I have been good friends for years. As close as brother and sister. But Spirit had something for us to work through. My friend also has something to learn about depending on others, in spite of insisting he did not need help. I was in that same position about two years ago, and I learned my lesson the hard way. I knew we each had something to learn from this.

In the end things turned out fine and we are both better for the experience. He was able to get the community to help, by simply asking for it. His surgery after-care was not as bad as we thought it would be. He was up and about days after surgery. I did my share of care, and liked being helpful in that way. I also enjoy going over to my friend’s home once a week instead of twice a day. We missed each other a bit more. Things seemed fresher and better. He started asking what I was up to. A stark change from his usual lump-on-a-log non-commitment in any simple conversation. He started taking more responsibility for his life instead of depending on me. I was starting to break away and make myself a priority. Things were changing!

As we know, everything is energy. Change must happen in Spirit/with you manifesting and wanting that change before it can happen in the waking world. He learned that being stubborn and wanting total independence was not always realistic. I learned (and not for the first time) that care of the self comes first. I had always given to him first. Thought of him first. Worried about him way more than about myself. The caregiver must care for him/herself first. Okay, I’m getting that lesson, for the third time!

If there is any time you feel that pressure is on, and you are being made very uncomfortable, there is a lesson or a message in it. Look for it, be humble, and be as open as you can for the change coming your way. Maybe this thing that feels awful is your key to freedom, the key to standing up in your own power and being who you have always wanted to be. On a soul level, my friend was willing to be the one to help me make this happen. I am in deepest gratitude.

Comments are encouraged. Likes tell me someone is listening. ❤ Love and Light, Patty.

The Churning Miasma, and the Cosmic 2×4

In my blog posts, I speak often of the Churning Miasma, and the Cosmic 2×4. What do I mean by these terms? Like my mother, I love to make up my own words and phrases. It’s the best way for me to quickly communicate something intangible in an easy to understand way. I love these terms because by themselves, they carry a visual weight. Can’t you just visualize the Cosmic 2×4 or the Churning Miasma? 

The Churning Miasma

When I face ongoing problems and I feel mired down, if I could see what I was going through, I’d see everything I’m thinking about, worried about, exploring, talking about, investigating, and creating. It would be about three feet above my head in a huge churning gray whirlpool. It’s too much to take in. I can’t focus or see any one thing. It wont’ slow down. It’s a giddy feeling because then I know I am on the cusp of understanding something. I call this The Churning Miasma. It seems the only way to describe this. 

I need to be still and stop searching for logical reasons about what’s going on during this time period. Trying to pull it apart and discover what it’s all about is useless. The churning miasma is not something that can be picked apart and analyzed. Nor can it be slowed down. It must be left alone to do it’s thing. Sitting still now and then would be better. Eventually it all coalesces after days or weeks, and it drops in my head and heart in a nanosecond. Even after that happens, I cannot say exactly what was learned, or *grocked. I know that new material is in me. I can sense it inside me and it feels better! The Churning Miasma is a process of learning, experiencing, and understanding. But it is so uncomfortable while it is happening. Isn’t there always chaos before change? 

*Grocked: Coined by Robert A. Heinlein in his novel Stranger in a Strange Land, 1961, in which the word is described as being from the word for “to drink” and, figuratively, “to drink in all available aspects of reality”, “to become one with the observed” in Heinlein’s fictitious Martian language. 

The Cosmic 2×4

When something is trying to show itself to me but I’m not getting it that’s when the Cosmic 2×4 comes in. Have you ever heard the saying that when the Universe/Spirit is trying to get your attention first it’s a tap on the shoulder. Then a bit harder if you don’t notice, then bonk on the head or the brick wall to finally get your attention. That’s what I’m talking about. That happens to me a lot. Apparently I need three, four, or five instances to get it through my thick skull whatever is being shown to me.

I always feel like such a dolt for having been so unable to see or understand the new something was coming my way. Some new way of seeing. Some new way of letting go of the old and trying the new. Some new path opens up to me. I love having the new vision or insight and am always in gratitude. But yep, I kinda feel silly when my eyes open after the fact, that I was so stubborn I could not see it. It’s then I look back and can so easily see the ‘taps’ or hints I was getting previous to the Cosmic 2×4. How did I not see it or get it? Huh. Funny. 

You can go over my past blog entries and look for the words Cosmic 2×4 and find what I’m talking about. I always think next time I won’t be so stubborn, so unable to see the lesson. But still I am presented with that Cosmic 2×4 every now and again. It makes one humble! Lately I am able to see when the Cosmic 2×4 might be hovering around. So that is something new. Like I might be on the cusp of understanding and I’ll say, “Well I don’t want that Cosmic 2×4 coming around so I better pay attention here!” Like that. I am becoming bit more open to seeing, and a bit less stubborn. 

Do you use any self-made jargon? If you have any instances of your own churning miasma, or cosmic 2×4, I’d love to hear it. Or anything you’ve made up yourself to help describe your life’s journey. 

Comments and dialogue are encouraged and welcome. Likes tell me someone is listening. Love and Light, Patty.

The energy of living in harmony

And how my eyes were opened.

Yesterday I saw my friend of 33 years to the airport after spending 8 days with her. My friend “F” is a person I have known since freshman year in college. We met in drawing class on the third floor of the art building and have been close friends ever since. We were roommates at one point during our senior year together. Many people said that was a bad idea because she had been engaged to my brother and that had broken apart. But we had a grand time sharing an apartment, working jobs, and taking a full load of college credits. Our friendship was built on mutual trust, admiration, and lots of fun during a busy time in our lives. We were, and still are, like sisters.

Until this visit I had not seen my friend for over 18 years. We chat on the phone every few weeks, and have ever since we went our own ways after college. We were at each other’s weddings, and we both got divorced out of bad marriages after years of devotion to the wrong person. I went to Minneapolis, Manhattan, and then my current home in New Mexico. She also went to Minneapolis, then Oregon. I live in the lovely high desert, enchanted by its continual exotic beauty, and dry climate, and she to the lovely west coast of the country with gentle gray cloud cover, pattering rain, and the ocean. Dry vs wet, what a contrast. We both love where we live and we both felt drawn to the places we are at now.

After a year of trying to figure out how and where to meet, my friend suggested “Why don’t I make it to your front door and go from there. I want to see your home and all the things you talk about.” Done! Our visit was wonderful, magical. Some planning, mostly spur of the moment. My friend F met my good friend K and it was fun for my two good friends to meet each other. Sharing friends is a very special experience.

F and I did cultural things such as witnessing the dances at Feast day at the Jemez Pueblo with rock star seating! We sat right in front of the sacred building, a kiva where the dancers emerge to start the dances. In this sacred building, you can only enter and exit through a hole in the ceiling via ladder. It was bitter cold, but bright, sunny and magical!

We soaked in a local hot springs, shopped at small local art shops in a mountain town where we met two old ladies playing a card game called ‘spite and malice’ taught to them by a catholic nun.

We walked the labyrinth at Ghost Ranch, home and inspiration of artist and painter, Georgia O’Keeffe. We shopped at Santa Fe on the square, where the Native American’s sell lovely hand made jewelry. We stayed in a hotel way above our normal price range for one evening living in luxury. I also met another friend “D” who just happened to be in town that night. I had not seen her for 12 years. Now my two old friends would meet. What a kick in the pants for me! A joy! Things aligning for my pleasure!

F and I also tooled along old back roads in New Mexico, walked the dogs at my normal haunts, saw the seven-month-old foal at my neighbors, and had a perfect relaxed trip. We stayed home some evenings cooking and visiting. I can see the Milky Way out here. But F is not able to see many stars where she lives so one evening we moved my love seat to the huge window facing the river and watched her favorite constellation Orion march his arc overhead while we sipped wine. We experienced culture, the sacred, and the beautiful natural landscape. We had Girl Time, shopped, drank a little wine, ate chocolate, and had a trip to remember. It was not packed, nor rushed. It was all just right. After eight days I was still ready for more, the energy and her company were so welcome. 

While my friend was here I never had one worry about any of my medical problems that has cropped up in the last year. None of them presented what so ever! That was quite a revelation. Being so in the moment, so enjoying another person’s company, my mind was not on myself. Finally I was not over thinking things. I was off my computer and out of my head.

My friend was a perfect companion in every way. She was thoughtful, considerate, helpful, and a joy to have in the house. She got along with my pets, especially one considered very difficult to be around, she managed with great ease. She was utterly flexible, cheerful, a lovely person to converse with, had clean habits, and seemed to know my every need before I knew. My Sister from another Mister.

Being alone for 11 years has been needed and glorious after my nightmare marriage. There are pockets of time where I still revel in being alone, but it is getting old. For eight days I experienced fresh, lovely energy. My friend’s visit taught me there are benefits to having someone around with love and harmonious energy. I want being with a man to be that wonderful. Why can’t I manifest this through the Law of Attraction?  Now there’s a thought! I miss having a companion. I miss having another person in the house who is of the same mind, the same harmonious energy. This experience created a shift in my perception. It opened my eyes. Sometimes it takes first hand experience to show you something you didn’t know you were missing. 

A man suitable to me is something I have never experienced. But I feel ready for it. That’s a really big—we’re talking huge—revelation and admittance for me. My worries about searching for the perfect Mister are all but gone. For me, that is good news, because I can be very stubborn. For this experience I am deeply in gratitude. I will not be looking for Prince Charming on a white horse, although any old raggedy plow horse, a goat or two, some chickens and a few dogs, would be welcome at my home. A gentle old teddy bear who is full of love and fun will suffice. I’m ready. And I said these words in public, to the world! (My inner me just gasped! LOL)  

I find every vacation, every time away from normal life, to be eye opening. What do you find changed after you have had time away from your normal life? Great things I hope! 🙂 

Comments and dialogue are encouraged and welcome. Likes tell me someone is listening. ❤ Love and Light, Patty.

Making your ‘bad quality’ work for you

A friend had the observation that being stubborn has upsides. True that. I figured every bad quality must have an upside. Doesn’t everything have a good and bad, undesirable quality to it? So, let’s take the human condition and flip some things.

I can be very stubborn, and I know it is not a desirable quality. But there are instances where being stubborn fits the bill perfectly. Working on a job until it is done, that’s a good part of being stubborn. I call it stick-to-itiveness. A great example for me was my friend who was working on the plumbing under my house. He did not give up. He is a very patient and quiet man. To hear him swearing and getting mad is so rare I knew the plumbing was confounding him. He kept at it all day until the problem was fixed and made better than the original plumbing. Had he given up I’d have been forced to call a plumber, which in the sticks, is rare as hen’s teeth. No one wants to drive all the way from town to get here. I’d have been stuck for a long time. Thanks to his stubborn nature, I had running water!

The flip side of my empathic abilities of feeling everything are the physical feelings I get as I write. Feeling everything can be a good thing, not something to dread or hide.

This also brings to mind the need to temper our negative quality when needed. Let’s take the hand we were dealt and make it work for us, instead of against us. It doesn’t happen overnight, but it is a worthwhile project, no? Having an undesirable quality can now be seen as positive.

A warning that we should not celebrate our ‘undesirable’ traits by saying “Yay! I’m stubborn and I can treat people any way I wish!” Nope. That’s not what I am getting at. It means perhaps channeling those qualities into a positive outcome. Again the line of “using your powers for good, not evil” comes to mind.

What are some qualities that may be turned around and seen as good? What quality do you have that you might view as negative, that you can flip? What can you work on that might make you thankful for having that otherwise bad trait? This could be a really fun and enriching exercise if you take it to heart.

Comments and dialogue are encouraged and welcome. Likes tell me someone is listening. Love and Light, Patty.

The New Normal is where it’s at

When life presents you changes, stop trying to go back to normal. If you are trying to get back to the old normal that may not be possible. With all my challenges, I have found a way to get through with some sanity. Ditch the old normal. Find the new normal, the new habit, path, the new way. There is much less resistance there. Stop trying to push the river, instead go with the flow. And be in gratitude!

Comments and dialogue are encouraged and welcome. Likes tell me someone is listening. Love and Light, Patty.

Experiencing The Now

Oh what a blissful time that was when I found The Now, where no time existed. Due to months of various physical problems (which I am totally unaccustomed to) I was down and out, sicker than a dog. My IBS was in full swing and it was new to me. I also had flu-like symptoms that laid me flat out. Those flu symptoms came ever other week for many weeks. I had other things that were a huge source of worry and it was all too much for my little head to deal with. I’ve enjoyed a lifetime of health.

I was in my guest room, a brightly colored room with ‘mango madness’ paint on the walls, and items from around the world that lent a lovely flair to the room. It is a room I hardly spend any time in, so it was a welcome change. I had a futon that looked out onto my yard and a large portion of the lovely blue New Mexico sky. As I lay there with my dogs, I was so sick I could not move. It is a very rare occurrence in my world that I am unable to physically do anything. My mind is a ‘doing mind’ and forever searching for things to fix, repair, create, or explore. Resigning to the moment was inevitable in my current physical state.

I lay there taking in the warmth of the sunshine in the afternoon sky. This felt good. As I stared out the window time seemed to stretch out on either side of me, to the left and to the right. It stretched out to infinity. Time seemed to stop and there I was. Now. Not elsewhere in my mind. Experiencing the present moment. I’ve had the experience of time stopping in dreams, but I have never had it stop for hours at a time. This was delicious!

I am nearing retirement enough to think about what it might be like as a single person. Will it be fun? Lonely? Will I ache for some ‘purpose’ after my first week of freedom? Or will I embrace the time I have left by exploring more of my world? We never know these things until we get there. People like me thrive on a purpose outside ourselves. I am not a person who watches TV in the daytime unless it is Sunday and I am into watching baking shows or that Antiques Road Show while I bake or clean. Even then it’s rare. I have a friend who does nothing but watch TV in his tiny, dark living room. It feel bad for him, except I know it is what he wants to do. Still, I fear living like that, where all I do is watch the boob tube all day. I have heard that watching TV is like painting your third eye with black paint. Agreed!

As I experienced the Now time, I felt that my retirement, or any time for that matter, would be a wonderful opportunity for me to explore all I have wanted to explore, but have not had the time. I rarely get out or engage with others, due to my needing and desiring to live in nature, in the boonies. It’s lovely but it is far from civilization. Needing nature but wanting to be social at the same time is polarizing. In the Now, I imagined myself going to a nearby city to learn about Shamanism, practice my tarot, join a nearby group, or go to the lovely farmer’s market where they have bands play as you shop for fresh produce. I imagined and could feel to my right and left time stretching out to infinity with me in the middle of this lovely tableau of life, feeling no pressure whatsoever. I finally felt free to do as I pleased and it was good.

The Now Time did not last long, but it was utterly delicious and I had no fear at all of the future. The experience gave me a totally new-to-me perspective. A new set of eyes to look out of. For me the Cosmic 2×4 had struck again. Yes it takes a lot to get me to pay attention. I know when I am experiencing something like this, the Universe/Spirit has been trying to get my attention in order to help me see something. It takes so much to get through to me due to my stubborn nature. This was not meditation, intuition, or insight. This was cosmic guidance. I wish I were a bit more aware so I could see things more easily. Then there would be no need to have me thrown off a horse, laid low with illness, or whatever else needed for me to slow down enough to see the world in a different light. Have you ever experienced time slowing down, or stopping, so you are just in the moment? If you have, I would love to hear about your experience.

Comments and dialogue are encouraged and welcome. Likes tell me someone is listening. Love and Light, Patty.