When is a good time for a change? Coffee time!

I used to have coffee almost every morning before work with a neighbor. Jokingly I would tell my buddy that I was there for coffee and conversation, but I really didn’t care much for the coffee. Companionship is something most single, older people desire. My platonic buddy and I have known each other at this writing for three years. We go riding on weekends weather permitting, and Saturday night we have spaghetti and watch silly TV shows together. Over the past year I had gotten into the habit of having coffee in the morning with him on my way to work. He used to be next door but he moved four houses down. Since our pups are litter mates, it started out innocently enough as me bringing my pup to play with his all day. Then I’d return to pick up my pup in the evening. It seemed easy enough since he moved so close.

One day we were having morning coffee and I was showing him pictures of a few items on my phone that I had purchased. I thought he’d be interested in them because earlier he had expressed an interest in similar items and he does not have the internet to look things up. As I was telling him about my purchases and talking about the lapis lazuli and coffee jasper I had purchased, he went through a curtain that is between the living room and the kitchen. I assumed he was getting another cup of coffee, so I kept describing the items and was telling him I was excited to be getting these in the mail soon. I ended my sentence by saying…

“…are you even there? No? Ahh I didn’t think so. Oh my.” Sigh.

My friend had gotten up while I was talking mid sentence, went to the bathroom and was gone for a good long time. When he retuned he sat down and just kept staring at the floor, or his coffee cup. He didn’t ask what I had been talking about. In fact it was if I was not even in the room. Sometimes I would end a sentence with a question and he’d just smile at me or stare at the wall as if he were oblivious. It was clear he had not been paying attention, or could not hear me, or both. A clear sign of not caring. Even though my friend’s normal nature is to be reserved and quiet, I felt this was rude behavior. I’d never do anything like that to him. So I excused myself and left for work saying I had to get there early. My feelings were hurt.

Since this was about the 20th time he had done the same thing over the past year. I wanted to make sure I was not at fault. Was I welcome? When it was time for me to leave he would say ‘do you have to?’ which showed me he wanted my company. Was I dominating the conversation? The next day I said almost nothing, letting him have the floor. You could have heard a pin drop the entire time. Over time I had dismissed all those other times I felt ignored. Was I nothing better than a babysitter? Over time I made hundreds of excuses for his lack of caring. But this was not working for me. Casper Milk Toast would have better manners. And in a way I felt I was being used to keep him company…while he was ignoring me!? That’s not good.

Conversations should not be one way. Otherwise you are just playing handball with the drapes. Our conversations had been mostly one way for a long time. My buddy is not the talkative type and can be reserved, and often very needy. But  wanted someone to talk with, not to.  This whole thing made me reflect on the status quo. Is it time for a change on some level? My intuition had been nudging me for some time, trying to tell me that I was spending way too much time there. Between going for coffee, picking up the dog after work, our riding and our Saturday TV night, I think my stop at his home were in the range of between 12 and 18 a week. I have a hectic enough schedule and wouldn’t it be nice to cut that down?

The energy of the current relationship felt wrong. I believe everything is energy and this felt like being mired down in the mud, not being in flow. Time for a change. Doesn’t have to be drastic either, let’s not throw out the baby with the bath water. Immediately after making this decision the energy seemed to be feeling better already. That’s my gut telling me yes, I made the right choice. That night I had a vivid dream of driving onto the wrong pathway. I had taken a wrong turn. I turned the car back around and it was easy to get back on the right path. This is a clear sign to me. Very clear, that I am making the right decision.

Rearranging my schedule to put me more in the center of my own life, taking care of my needs first was key. This would be new on an everyday level and on a life level. I had never thought of me first. I cut my visits back to weekends. Riding was the core of our friendship and that’s the only time I can do it. We’d keep our Saturday evening with spaghetti and fun TV time because we laugh the whole time. Laughter is good medicine. With my extra time, I could do more with my animals and my meditation. This would mean having a leisurely time getting out the door and enjoying the special energy of early mornings, which I love so much. Ah, yes, this was working for me! And it worked for my friend too. He needs to get out and meet other people, and maybe even hook up with a special someone. If I keep going over all the time, he’ll feel no impetus to change things, and that someone special would think he was already taken.

Putting myself first and making healthier habits was new to me. Brand new. But I am a firm believer in being the author of my own life. Check the energy to see if it all feels right. It was hard to make these changes, but part of the old me that felt loyal to a fault was gone. The thought it was okay to take time for myself was new and refreshing. This felt better on a whole new level.

Humans are hard wired to follow habitual routines. So that’s good news in developing a new habit. Just stick with it for between 10 and 15 days and you have a new habit. 🙂 Trust your gut when you have a feeling that you want to do that old thing, but you know you shouldn’t. Resist for a few moments, recognize that you want to change, and do your new thing. I found the resisting part to be the hardest. So I substituted a small activity like pouring a cup of tea or even kicking the ball for the dogs. It only took seconds of changing my activity to get past the urge to do the old thing. If you want to change, it won’t take long. Keep in mind that old habit will not want to die out those first few times you try and change your routine. Stick with it! Believe me, meditation practice will help you with tasks like these even though it doesn’t seem logical.

It’s healthy to make such assessments and change in your life. You don’t need an incident to wake you up. Check the energy. How does it feel? You can make small changes that make big differences any time you feel the need. Make sure you are spending time doing what is good for you, your growth, and then consider others. In a way I was enabling my friend to not get out and experience more of life, and meet new friends. This feels better all the way around. Why didn’t I do this a year ago? Let’s not go there, lol.

Comments always welcome and encouraged. You will have to view this blog entry by itself by clicking on the headline, in order to make a reply at the bottom. 

 

 

 

 

Pay attention to dreams

For many years now I have been keeping track of my dreams. A private online blog is the best way for me to have a journal I won’t lose, and it’s easy to search. Spirit communicates to me mostly through visuals, although I have had experiences of taste, smell, hearing, feeling and knowing. Mostly I am a highly visual person with super detailed dreams.

After you track your dreams for a while, it will become obvious what to pay attention to, and what to dismiss. The disjointed, out of focus, blurry and gray dreams are what I call garbage can dreams. They are an amalgamation of recent events, worries and other flotsam and jetsam floating around in my psyche. The other type of dream for me to not pay much attention to are what I call spaghetti dreams. When I eat pasta, I eat a load of it. Then I have the same type of dream only going warp 10 and a bit more crazy activity. Those are a bit more fun, but just as disjointed.

There are other dreams that are as detailed, deep, and visual as high definition 3-D movies. The dreams that go quickly, almost like a two or three second snapshot, are the ones I have learned to pay attention to. I find in those two second dreams, time slows way down, and sometimes the detail is turned up. My dreams are mostly visual, with hardly any sound. Spirit tries to get my attention by slowing down time, turning up volume, boosting color on an object, or taking color away.

The other night I had a dream that was only a few seconds long. In the dream I was listening to music and there was this really odd sound of crackling like either a burning fire, or electrical wiring gone haywire from my speakers. I hardly ever experience sound in dreams, so I was paying attention. My ear was close to these speakers and I wondered, what am I hearing? What do I need to know? It was as if the part where I was listening was slowed way down. Upon waking, I noted my dream in my journal and wondered if it was a message from Spirit to fix that one last bedroom of mine with old wiring. Okay, that’s already on the to-do list and electricians out in the sticks/in the mountains are rare as hen’s teeth. Duly noted. I’m on it. Let’s get on with the day.

That evening when I was watching TV my electricity went out. Dang, it was the first time during the weekend I had slowed down to have some time to myself. Okay, I checked the breaker box which I am intimately familiar with. Nothing wrong there. I texted the neighbors, and sure enough, electricity was out in my small town. We all have this system, I call it the coconut telegraph. We get on our phones texting or calling to urge each other to report the outage. This was the 4th of July, totally major holiday, and we needed to let the electric company know there was a problem. The more people that call means the electric company know it’s a wider area experiencing problems and they fix it sooner.

In the mean time, I was happy to sit and read, with actual peace and quiet! There was enough light coming through my window at 6pm. Yay, reading time! I had four books I was exploring at the time. Thank goodness my a/c, ceiling fans and swamp cooler had done their job earlier, keeping my home relatively cool. With power outages you realize how much you have to be thankful for. A ceiling fan swirling overhead. Ice cubes! A fridge full of unspoiled food. Cool air. Light at night. TV, internet and so on. I was fine, but my neighbor needs to keep the oxygen going, it’s a dangerously hot heat wave, etc and so on. The power company did call a few hours later and say that there was a part of a carport (or some other object) that was broken loose by the wind, and crashed into a power line on the pueblo, putting out electricity for over 2000 people in three areas. Yikes!

As I was settling back in to watching TV after the power outage, my thoughts turned back to the dream I had from that morning. Holy crap Batman, my dream foretold of this outage! It was not a dream about me necessarily, but about the area. That’s never happened before, where the message was for something greater than myself. When you start getting messages like these, it’s not necessarily so you can go out and save the world, prevent bad things from happening. This is Spirit very clearly communicating with you. A premonition like this is one way for Spirit to say, your antenna is up, intact and working just fine. Stay tuned for more messages. It’s very affirming to have communication like this.

The interpretation part is up to you. When I was first getting signs from Spirit years ago, it was almost like they were doing ‘testing, testing, 1, 2, 3.” It was more about the process than the message at that time. Be patient and observant.

For me, communication, premonitions, affirmations, visions, and synchronicities go in cycles. The best come between 4 and 6am. I let the dogs out at 4am, go back to sleep, have great dreams. I will have a great number of them for weeks or months, and then nothing. I hate the nothing part! But that’s how it goes. It gives you a sort of down time where you can process things and get back to your waking-world life.

Your personal experience may be totally different from mine. Maybe you don’t remember your dreams, don’t have many, or any. I used to keep a pen and paper by the bed. Sometimes I keep a dry-erase marker in the bathroom by the large mirror in there. I quickly scribble a note about the general contents of the dream when I’m up for a bathroom break. You may get messages some other way from Spirit. You might hear things, know or feel things. Keep a pen and paper in your car, you may remember things if you spend a lot of time in your car like I do. Information may pop into your head that you should pay attention to. We are all different. Everyone has the ability to receive communication from Spirit, if it is nurtured and worked on. That’s my opinion anyway.

Whatever way that Spirit might contact you, keep track of it over time. Note what the process is, not just the contents. Work with it. Be curious and ask for more clarity. Explore. Have fun with it! Be a good investigator and totally feel free to talk to and communicate with Spirit. Believe me, we are not alone, and Spirit is always there, listening, hoping to be of assistance, waiting for your communication. This is one of my favorite topics and I will share more in the future.

Feel free to share your own stories, I’d love to hear them! Click on the headline for this entry and you will find a reply section at the bottom.