I'm an animal lover disguised as a desert mystic. I have two dogs, a 16 year-old goose, and five chickens. (I am in between horses.) I live in the high desert of New Mexico, coming from Northern Wisconsin by way of Manhattan. I am in love with the high desert and have made my home here. I'm handy with power tools, or equally at home with a deck of Tarot cards, Welcome!
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A friend of mine is like me, a people pleaser. Nothing wrong with that as long as you don’t overdo it. She’s almost at the cusp of learning to care for herself first. I have been gently giving advice, to empower her, yet respecting her choices.
I wrote an earlier post on self care which goes over getting enough sleep, good nutrition, and examples of do’s and don’ts for saying no. This post is shorter and to the point for those who are almost but not quite there in terms of having good boundaries. Situations like the one with my friend help bring things into focus for me. I hope it gives you the knowledge and support you need to say ‘yes’ to yourself first. Everyone will be happier this way. The energy is better for everyone, especially you!
Cardinal Rule—The caregiver needs care first! In order to care for others, you need to—you must—care for yourself first and foremost! No matter how tough, full, or frantic your schedule seems, you come first. It’s like when you are in the airplane and their safety speech includes “Put your oxygen mask on first, then assist your child.” You make a much better caretaker for others, if you are in tip-top shape. This is especially true of people who take care of others that are sick, elderly, or disabled. You need to be in good shape to properly care for them.
GETTING FEARS AND GUILT OUT OF THE WAY
Fear of Hurting Others There is a saying: “Disappointing myself is easier than disappointing others.” That’s what an over-the-top people pleaser (who is a doormat) says to themselves. I lived much of my life that way so I’m not trying to shock or insult anyone. I was always seeking love, but like many, I was mistaking acceptance for love. They are not the same thing. Besides, love should come from you, not to you, in order to feel whole.
Urgency is Overrated It is not an emergency. You do not need to give to every single person who needs a poster, a cake, fixed plumbing, or babysitting. I can assure you, the world will not end. I’m here to tell you whatever you are dealing with, it’s not an emergency. There are hospitals, police, urgent care places, professional plumbers and electricians out there for a true emergency. I find a lot of people who are running around frantically putting out fires—ignoring themselves and their home life—think everything on their list is an absolute emergency. This is not true. They give all kinds of ‘but, but…’ excuses. Take the but, but out of it. You are not the world’s savior. (Read on.)
You’re Not a Superhero I’m pretty sure if you look behind you, you will not see a cape flying in the non-existent wind. So don’t feel you have to save the day. You cannot possibly save everyone on the planet, so don’t try. Prioritize. Delegate. Let go of the rest.
You’re Not a Doormat Say no when you need to. Someone else’s lack of planning is not your emergency. Otherwise All those people that depend on you to help them in an emergency think, “Insert-Your-Name will do it!” Because the expectation is you are a pushover and you always say yes. That short and simply is lack of good boundaries on your part, and the other party as well.
No Guilt You cannot help everyone in the world. It just isn’t possible. (See “You’re Not a Superhero”) So don’t feel guilty for not being able to help somebody. There are only 24 hours in a day, love, and you have to get at least eight hours of sleep, eat well, take care of your home and family life first.
TOOLS OF THE TRADE
What’s Your Ripcord Phrase? Find a phrase that works for you when you’ve had enough. My phrase is “I am on overload” for in-the-moment needs. State it clearly and then immediately take a break, or hang up, whatever the situation calls for. Get a cup of tea, get outside for five minutes. Or use it to tell someone you can’t help them. “No I can’t help you, I’m already on overload.” I find this works for times when I have had it, and I don’t mean when I’m mad. I sincerely mean, I am on overload! Too much going on, at the computer too long, too many fires to put out, brain fog, working on a problem too long, and needing a break. It works wonders!
Find wording that you are comfortable with. You can even say “I need a time out!” and put your hands out in that time out sign language “T” we all know from watching football. Yes, you can use this on co-workers and you should be comfortable enough to tell your boss this as well if you need to. Because, if you are on overload, you are not going to be a good worker, in a good mood, etc. Be kind to yourself and get a good ripcord saying and put it in your pocket for emergencies.
Know What Energizes You For me it is not sipping a cup of tea. That’s for relaxing. I work from home so a quick break that is energizing is getting away from the computer and getting outside. I might walk the dogs around my property a few times. It only takes about 10 minutes to do that. Or I might kick the ball for them, or do a really quick chore like put away five of those patio bricks I have been meaning to move. If you are in an office, get outside and go around the block, or for a very short walk. You’ll wonder what took you so long to feel so good.
For me, physical exercise in the outdoors does wonders for a quick and refreshing break. I must be physically active and ideally outside. Find out what energizes you. For goodness sake, shut off that phone for five minutes! You will live! No one is going to perish if you don’t answer that chat, nudge, or call.
Your Day Off Take one day or evening where everyone needs to steer clear of needing you. Spouse and kids included. Sunday 6pm is my time. When my divorce was over and I was building my life from the ground up, I took the entire day of Sunday as my day. I would say, I’d love to come over and do xyz, but it’s Church of Patty day. That phrase, Church of Patty, means they can’t bug me, or expect me to be out and about. I don’t use it as often these days, but it does come in handy. My friends started using this tool for their own self care routine.
Practice Saying No When you can’t do something, or wish not to, you should be able to kindly but firmly say no. Say it with a big smile on your face and a huge dose of sunshine in your voice, knowing your refusal will be better received by the other party. I learned over the years how to say no. One way to think of it is that every time you say yes to someone else, you say no to yourself and your family. You will feel good about gently but firmly enforcing your boundaries.
Never Make Excuses—Ever When saying no, don’t say, “Well I have to count the fleas on my dog” or “I have to sort out my socks at home, otherwise I’d love to help you.” Just say, “Gosh I would really love to help you but I do not have the time.” Period. End of sentence. Big smile on your face. Otherwise people will take your excuse and turn it around on you. “Well after you’re done sorting out your socks, I’ll come and pick you up.” They will squeeze their need into your schedule and you won’t even know what hit you.
Volunteering Your Time Don’t let someone volunteer you because you have skills they need for their organization or hobby. As a graphic artist (or cake baker, or babysitter) people constantly are in need of (poster, cake, babysitter). And they have to have it because it’s an emergency! Refer back to “Urgency is Overrated”. If you are volunteering for something you enjoy like working on a newsletter for for a fun organization, be careful as others will volunteer your time. When people would find out I did graphic design, voila! I’d be volunteered to do acres of time-intensive newsletters, posters, flyers. Every single time.
I joined a weaver’s guild to have fun. I ended up writing stories, designing ads, and working on the entire newsletter, getting them printed, finding advertisers, communicating with the post office, and sorting bulk mailing. That was not what was supposed to happen! Each of those items should have been handled by us a group. Because I could not communicate how much time I wanted to serve, I was saddled with almost a full week of my time each month. I had a full time job on top of it. It was no longer fun. And those were the nicest folks you’d ever want to meet. It was not their fault. It was mine for not being proactive in my own needs and desires.
Think in Terms of Hours After learning that hard lesson with the weaver’s guild, I got some good advice. Have a number of hours in mind per day/week/month to give back to the world. Communicate that clearly to your hobby organization and stick to it. If it’s something time sensitive like babysitting, or helping with a chore or an event, stick to days/times you are available. “I’d be thrilled to help set up and work at your incredibly huge rummage sale! I am available Saturday from noon to 4pm.” I found this tip to be the most helpful tool in my search for independence and regaining personal power.
Be Proactive—Don’t get boobytrapped! What are you doing today? What are you doing this weekend? Hey what are you doing right now? Usually when people start out a sentence like that, I can see a request coming in hot and heavy on runway one! It’s a boobytrap. 😉 My mother taught me to say, “Why do you want to know?” Put an “I am busy” in front of that answer. “I have plans for this weekend. Why did you want to know?” Then they can tell you what they need. You have already asserted up front that you don’t have time. If it ends up you do want to help, tell them how long and when you are available. You are in charge of your schedule, not the other person. The scope and length of their event does not set the stage for how much time you offer up. Plus the person asking will have received clear communication from you. Otherwise they will assume you can help all day long with…whatever.
Say it With Sweetness Any sort of ‘no’ said with a big smile on your face and sunshine in your voice usually goes over well with the other party. Say it with pure love in your heart. I don’t mean be sarcastic. Be truly sweet. Come from a place of love. Put honey on every word. 🙂 Otherwise believe me people will figure out that after you were done sorting out your socks at home you can come and help them set up tables for the cotillion ball that will only take you a few hours! You know that will turn into an all day event.
Choose a Role Model Think of someone you know and admire, whether it’s a family member or a friend or someone in the public eye. Use them as a role model and ask yourself “What would that person say in this situation?” When I need strength, I think of Katherine Hepburn’s strength and confidence, with a bit of Julia Child thrown in for good humor. If it’s something straight forward, I might channel the cold but unarguable logic of Mr. Spock. “We are 2.5 light years away.” “I can help you for 2.5 hours this week.” Get it? Role models can inspire, and you can dial them up in a second.
Head and Heart Balance Spend time in your heart, and try and get enough heart time in your day. This gets you out of your head and will be like a breath of fresh air in your day. It does wonders for dispelling exhaustion and brain fuzz. I have found sweeping the floor for a few minutes is relaxing and heart centered. The activity is calming, and it helps to have a neutral task that takes you out of your head and puts you in your heart. Washing a few items in the sink is also gently relaxing but good for that neutral heart space that helps you to switch tasks or focus. It’s time for a good brain break too and helps get rid of brain fog from being on overload. I find for me being non-verbal helps.
If you are at work, get up out of your chair, walk around, get a glass of water, cup of coffee, or empty the break room dishwasher. All by yourself without asking for credit. 😉 If you can get outside for even a few minutes to walk, or people watch, do it! You’ll feel so good about yourself, and it is a great way to be more heart centered and less in your head. Getting out of your head will lead to much more balanced days, less exhaustion, more energy, and better quality Spiritual juju.
The Advice Given Here My advice is gained from years living on planet earth, trying to get it right. It is not to get you to say no to everything someone asks of you. It is to give you insights into behaviors you can change to better protect your time, and give you tools of empowerment. If you have that Ripcord phrase, are prepared to sweetly decline a request, watch for boobytraps, never use excuses, take some time for yourself, realize you can’t help everyone, know what energizes you, have heart centered time, all without guilt, you are on your way to being a healthy caregiver for yourself, and others. And this wisdom only took me 61 years to acquire! (insert belly laugh here.)
Comments are welcome. “Likes” tell me someone is listening. Love and Light, ❤ Patty
I joke with people that I’ve been making soup since I was a zygote. I’m not even sure what a zygote is, but I make consistently good home made soup every time. After learning to scramble eggs, and make all day spaghetti sauce at an early age, I learned to make soup. All three of my brothers can make good soup, and we learned it all from our Mom. My mother always had a huge pot of soup on the back burner of her stove, even in the heat of Summer.
As a foodie, my problems are often solved with some form of food or cooking. I don’t like the mess of mixing psyllium with water and then chugging it down. Why not bake it into foods? I read up on the internet and found hundreds of recipes using psyllium, so I was excited to give my idea a try.
I call this recipe Dreamsicle bread. It has old mashed bananas, orange flavored sweetened Metamucil, white chocolate and butterscotch chips, and coconut flakes. You could add applesauce to it to make it more moist. It tends to be a bit stiffer than banana bread because the psyllium tends to suck up a lot of the moisture as soon as you add it and mix it in. That’s part of its charm. Despite its medicinal use, this quick bread is delish!
Ingredients. At left the frozen hunk of mushy banana. Thaw and…
My recent post on finding my purpose was about discovering something key to my life. I mean something BIG. A while back, a counselor I was seeing told me that my search and craving for my One Thing to do was just wanting to be recognized. And she urged me to settle, and just be happy exploring life. Now, there’s nothing wrong with that advice, except…
Had I not followed that ongoing urge, that niggling feeling that it was not okay to just let that sit, I never would have come to the realization of what my life’s path is. That’s really huge. I’d have been less of a person. Life would have been less rich, less full, and much less rewarding.
The bugging you thing….that is there for a reason. It’s a clue that you still have some exploring to do, and that’s your intuition talking to you. It’s saying
“Hey don’t give up! You’re not giving up that easily, are you? Nope. You have more work to do. Come on, off your duff, let’s get at it. Trust me! You’ll feel better for it. You might find something you didn’t even know was out there! Come on! Let’s go.”
— Your Intuition
I would suggest anything that keeps bugging you, even (and especially) in a small niggling or prodding way, should be followed up on. Keep working on it, turning it over in your mind, exploring what’s up. I guarantee you will be happier than just settling for something just so you can move on. It doesn’t have to be a big search, just follow up all those tendrils that find you.
I always am rewarded for my explorations in life. I guarantee you will be happier when you uncover whatever it is that you were meant to discover.
Comments are welcome. “Likes” tell me someone is listening. Love and Light, ❤ Patty
Over the years I have felt keen frustration of not knowing my purpose and wanting my path to show up in one obvious form. I have always expected to have ‘my path’ open up before me and be clear. When I get to thinking that way I want to conk myself on the bean for being silly. Things don’t work that way. When has something worked out perfectly to plan in an orderly fashion? Doesn’t it happen more like…you have an idea of a goal, you start heading for it, and your path is interrupted a thousand ways? Then you end up totally somewhere else, but you are happy, and you didn’t see the outcome you were headed for, but you love it nonetheless?
The hanging out the shingle thing. I have talked about it before. It’s such a brainwashed thing that everyone who is successful—I know that’s a loaded word—has a website, teaches, gives classes, and gives back in a public way. I feel jealous that some people have that One Thing they do well and make a living at it. I envy carpenters, electricians and car mechanics! They have a trade, are of great service to the public, and always will be. If any young person asks me what they should do with their life, I suggest learning a trade for starters.
For years I tried many different things. I strove to do Tarot readings and teach it to others. I’ve done Tarot for almost 30 years. I’m a great second banana offering support to others. I also occasionally work with hot glass. I can clean out hoarder houses, I love to clean, sort, and organize anything! I’ve done websites and graphic design. I could teach women how to use power tools and empower themselves not to depend on anyone to fix things. I tried my hand at the wild world of rodeo photography. I wanted to teach people how to avoid drama, or recognize and use their intuition. I’ve delved into doing readings, Reiki, and other energy work. I love all of them. I especially love the road of discovery. However, each of these roads fizzled out as my One Thing to do that had meaning.
My search for my One Thing was making me nuts. I felt I had to find that niche and I could not find it, because I have so many things I could do. I could never zero in on what to do for the greater good. That’s when the target you are trying to hit moves endlessly and you can never hit the bullseye. My search has been frustrating until recently when I discovered, rather organically, my role and purpose. With my new realization it doesn’t matter how many things I pursue, or how many things I am good at. Those are just ways to give to the greater good.
It happened one day when I was helping a friend with a project of hers. The answer dawned on me slowly. It gently popped into my head and just sat there like a tea bag in a cup of hot water. Slowly and naturally, if you let it sit awhile, you will have tea! I came to the realization that being second banana is my talent, mypurpose, my path. This realization flowed into recognizing my other talents. My troika. There wasn’t just one. Talent number two is, I am also a fantastic organizer. I swear I was born that way. I can easily see where things should be, love the process of sorting and organizing, and I can see how a process should be designed so things flow smoothly. Natural born talent number three is fantastic intuition. Paired with a very rich store of visual visions, lucid dreams, daily psychic hits, and am great at interpreting their meanings. That part of life flows richly for me. Interpreting the visuals and messages was work. But the ability is there naturally flowing. Always has been.
Instead of looking for a category I fit in, or a job to do, I should have looked to my natural talents. For Clarity:
Talent is something you are born with, while skills are learned. One of my skills is making homemade soup. I was not born knowing how, I had to learn. Neither skill nor talent is better than the other, but it helps to know the difference.
— Patty Daley
My talents have been with me all my life, operating in the background, under my radar. They were such a natural part of me I ignored them. I was blind and could not see, as the saying goes. I thought my purpose had to be described as a job title: Mechanic, artist, electrician, RN, teacher, what have you. Nope. That line of thinking didn’t help me at all. Because I didn’t consider the use of my talents as my purpose and my path, I ended up searching in all the wrong places and made myself crazy.
To discover I’d been on my path all along was a revelation. Like Dorothy and those Ruby Slippers. For a long time my purpose and path were hidden from my own eyes. I have already made my path, my thing I love to do. I’ve done it all my life! I’m still doing it! Had I just looked at myself differently I could have seen it. The ‘shingle’ I hang out is not a visible one. I now think of my purpose and path as a way to be, not a goal with website, logo, and client list. I had struggled with this for years, and it evaporated in a moment of clarity. Yippee Yahoo! (Crazy Happy Dance time!)
Knowing your natural talents is gold! This is to be acknowledged, celebrated, realized, internalized, and is its own reward! Look to your natural talents and let them be your guide. Then it doesn’t matter what you do, that can take any form. Learn to recognize your talents and push them to serve yourself and others. Look for ways you have already been doing this and give yourself a pat on the back. Do a happy dance. You are your own path! 😉
Comments are welcome. “Likes” tell me someone is listening. Love and Light, ❤ Patty
Originally posted on PattyCakes: If you are ever in doubt of your foodie status, get chickens. You will find yourself surfing the internet for articles, especially the reader comments at the end, scouring for great information, hints, and tips on…
A good friend and were I talking about our dreams, how they come and go, each one almost coming to fruition and then fizzling out, disintegrating, and being out of reach. This can be disheartening and frustrating. The path seems to be right in front of you, only to disappear. The talk we had about having many things in life we each tried to bring to fruition that all seemed to fail, brought me to a new understanding.
My friend and I are older, in our 60s, and feel that our usable span of life is short at this point. Time is shrinking. The body ages faster than we desire, and we move slower, think slower, and have a totally different footprint than we did even ten years ago. My 50s were vibrant! My 60s are slower, silkier. We have less resources, and yet we have time to manifest our dreams now, more than in any other decade of our lives.
Maybe what we are doing in trying different approaches and constantly pushing forward, is not so much learning about the world around us. It is more like learning to find the way around ourselves.
If we think we know the answer to what our goal is, it’s possible we are wrong about what the outcome will be, or how to get there. Or both. We may not see where the path itself is leading because we can’t see beyond where we are. If you feel you have lost your original vision for success, don’t be disheartened. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.
It’s hard to see those stepping stones when we are looking for what we think the answer is. You may even think there is no place to step because you can’t see it. You have to have faith that each step is there. You might be put off by a difficult part of the process and give up. I’ve done that a thousand times. Keep in mind a perceived failure can be another stepping stone to eventually finding ourselves working on our dream. It’s not actually the end. Relying on your intuition is big. It will help guide you and connects you to Spirit.
I think of it as an almost hidden path to success. As if the path were underwater or goes around the corner here and there, changing form constantly, full of pitfalls and successes. Kind of like a kids dotted-line treasure map.
You go through the river with killer fish, through the swamp, over the mountains, into a jungle, through the forest, avoid the snake, and into a dark cave. Finally you come out of the cave and find yourself living your dream—when you least expect it! You think, how did I get here from where I was on that strange convoluted path?
My friend is now living her dream, making it a reality. It happened through a lot of perseverance and hard work even though it seemed to be sidetracked many times by the outside world. The character Dory from the movie Finding Nemo has some great advice for all of us.
“When life gets you down, you know what you gotta do? Just keep swimming.”
We could not see the outcome from where we were on the path. It lay just around the corner. Our feet were on the right path all along. We didn’t recognize it as a ‘waking world’ path to success. That’s because it’s below our radar, working all the time. It happens in the background, with the conscious mind not aware of it at all.
That’s how success can come from behind and be a total, wonderful surprise once things start magically working for you! The magic is really all your past efforts and experience coming to fruition where you finally see results. It might have all come together in a way you could not envision.
So maybe it’s a good thing you didn’t have it all planned out perfectly. That’s because Spirit hears our request and has better ideas for us on how to get there. The work we did on the way to success—the supposed failed attempts—was work we needed to do. Even if the experiences seemed to not be connected, they are! We just could not see it from where we were.
Just keep swimming.
Comments are welcome. “Likes” tell me someone is listening. Love and Light, ❤ Patty
If you have been following my blog posts, you will know I struggled with changing a relationship with a platonic friend. Things seemed to be gloomy, the energy was sticky, dark, and stagnant. I knew I had to change things. Here are observations I had after getting out of his house, and meeting him outside, or at my house, or at a restaurant, or for a walk.
Once I felt I had enough time away from my friends house, I went back after a week. On my first visit back, his place felt so awful, so dark, so heavy, I don’t know how I could have stood being there. It was a sign—and a very obvious one—that I had made the right decision. From then on my once a week visit would be outside his home to avoid the huge energy drain.
My observation about this entire process is this: Another way to see something is to separate the place from the person. I cannot stand being in his house. He is delightful, but it was not worth the stuffed head I would get about 45 minutes after going there, and it happened many days in a row. Signs from my higher self that going to his house (and so often) was no longer a good idea. Another lesson in putting myself first. Which is hard for a person who likes to give. It made me feel quite selfish. But there was truth here I was uncovering. As if this lesson was repeating for one last time.
My observation made clear to me that separating the place from the person helped me realize it was not so much my friend, as my going to his place. It was my habit that needed changing. His place was so uncomfortable. I don’t know what changed, except to say my guides and The Universe (the Me), were sending a message in a very physical way. This was helping me shift gears. When lessons are looming, the thumb screws get tightened and it makes us very uncomfortable. So much so that we are moved to action. Try not to avoid these times, they are key to learning, growth, and insight.
Now that the change and shift has happened, we are both very happy with it. Life is clearer, brighter, happier, and more copacetic. I had been spending a lot of time cocooning at his place. I also was taking care of him way too much. Time to take my hands off the steering wheel. He’d be okay without my hovering help. It was time for me to get out and about!
I’m spending more time in the community, with other people, getting out there. It’s not a tour de force effort, but starting in small bits here and there. The energy has shiftedand things are changing for the good! I have never wanted to end this friendship, just change it. Now things are better. Much better.
An additional insight is, it was never him that was the problem. Something IN ME told me a shift needed to happen. I needed to get my butt out there, meeting new people, finding joy in more situations. The way that manifested was through feeling a different sort of energy I did not like. It could not be ignored, and I knew it needed addressing. That was a lesson looming so I listened to the signals.
Weeks have gone by since starting this entry. I have a changed relationship with my friend we both greatly enjoy. I feel he does not need looking after so closely, and I can do what I need to for my own development. There is less of a parent/child relationship, and more of a relationship of mutual respect. As it should be.
If you have a situation that is making you uncomfortable, look for all the clues you can. Divide and conquer. Be a good detective. And certainly don’t throw the baby out with the bath water!
Comments are welcome. “Likes” tell me someone is listening. Love and Light, ❤ Patty
If you were to ask me if I operated out of guilt, I would have said no way! I’m a pretty independent, thriving person. The only guilt I have would be the obvious of not visiting my mother often enough. But I would never have guessed my day-to-day decisions would have been influence by guilt. Not at all. Recently I have become more able to stand aside from it to recognize it—by shopping for dog food.
Guilt is harder to recognize than you might think. The good news is it’s almost relief to figure it out. Being recently unemployed I needed to downsize everything. My budget had to be totally redone. I can no longer afford to give to charity monthly. I cancelled photo websites, services, magazines and newspaper subscriptions. Everything non essential came off the grocery list. It was time to change from the very expensive dog food I was buying to something more reasonable.
Over and over we are told we are not a good parent if we get our pets anything cheap, or if we don’t buy them the latest doohickey. That’s B.S.! This sounds like small potatoes, but $36 savings is big. Bigger still is my new awareness of how sneaky guilt is as a driving force. I will know how to look for it in future. It slides right in there and manifests as a physical feeling in the core of my body. This insight lead me to other insights. The domino effect. That’s always a good thing when change begets change.
When it comes to my dogs, sky’s the limit. But I could no longer afford the best food. I won’t feed my dogs cheap grocery store food either, as some brands are harmful. As I went shopping for different dog food with my new out-of-work budget, I did my homework on different brands. I bought a brand that is grain free, highly rated, but affordable. I’m totally happy with the switch. It was as large a bag as my old brand, and almost $18 cheaper! That’s almost $36 a month savings, and the dogs love it.
It occurred to me that I don’t have to give them the very best brand. It certainly doesn’t hurt, but I realized in a flash as I drove home it was guilt that drove me to do what the commercial world tells me is best for my pet. Guilt! Such a sneaky thing I didn’t even realize that was the driving force. I was so shocked to realize the expensive dog food I was buying for years was a guilt based action. Me? Really? Hmmmm. I would have sworn on a stack of bibles that I was not driven in any way by guilt.
After the dog food shopping incident, I realized in a flash the feelings of losing my horse Silver were also mostly guilt based. It struck me like lightning. I though I was the reason he left. Maybe I had not kept his water clean enough for him to drink? What did I do wrong? And why was I punishing myself with pain and guilt all this time? I couldn’t even think of my horse without getting a lump in my throat. I realized that was not just sorrow, but guilt as the driving force. It was so freeing to realize I was not the reason my horse died. In an instant I was able to release my feelings of Silver and let him go. Guilt is terrible at helping you punish yourself needlessly. It’s freeing to be rid of those feelings.
If in doubt, ask yourself what you do out of guilt. Trying to please others too much is guilt based. I’ve been a big people pleaser for many years, and overly so. Think doormat. That mindset is one of almost pure guilt married with trying too hard to be accepted. If the guilt involves your parents or kids, I assume there is going to be some guilt there that may be normal. That’s not what I’m talking about. Doing what we feel invisibly pushed to do can be out of a sense of guilt. It sneaks under the radar. My experience shopping for dog food taught me it can be there, subtly, in the background, driving daily decisions.
Try and find where you might be experiencing guilt as a subtle driving force, and kick it out of your life. Begin to recognize those vibes and pay attention to what really drives you to act.
Comments are welcome. “Likes” tell me someone is listening.Love and Light, ❤ Patty