Through the churning miasma and the cosmic 2×4 I’ve recently learned something valuable about myself. Many different factors have lead to this life change. I’ve been under pressure and experienced some very humbling moments recently. So not like me. Physically I’ve had problems with sinus-related vertigo. I’ve been unsteady on my feet and a bit slower. I’ve had much lower energy and feel like I’m dragging around. I’ve been unable to sleep well lately.
When we are weakest, the big lessons have a chance at crashing the party.
The thing that brought about the change—the catalyst—was that an old building was being torn down on my property. Cleaning and decluttering always sets free a lot of old, held down energy. There is a huge, huge release of energy literally blasting out of the ground, going back up to Spirit. I believe a lot of the energy was wrapped up in the walls of that old building. It was brought to the property years ago by my ex against my wishes. Those walls held a lot of bad energy and memories. It was well past time to let it go!
During times of decluttering and change, I cannot sleep. I am not awake and obsessing or thinking about anything in particular. I’m simply very wide awake. It is like riding a huge energy tsunami. Over the years I’ve learned to enjoy and even use these times for my benefit. The energy that had me laying awake gave me time to think and feel. I had been feeling fear high in my throat for many weeks. It was almost like being choked the feeling was so palpable. But why was it there and what was it attached to?
Since this didn’t seem attached to this lifetime—again following the energy—I knew this was something karmic.
Since I knew I would not get any sleep, I felt it was time to bring in the big guns. I went outside under the stars and talked to my guides and ancestors. I call them my lightworker team. I asked them for assistance saying I wanted to tackle this problem in this lifetime! I was always feeling like the axe would fall. I hate coming from fear and I was really irritated fear was still in my life! I felt like my whole life was leading to this moment. I was ready and willing for change. In fact I had a bit of anger and angst at still having to deal with this unknown fear. Sometimes that anger, that angst, can power you through a big change. Use it to your advantage.
I went back inside to try and get some sleep. As I lay awake, I thought of a phrase I had read in a book earlier that day. The idea was to follow the enegy to find answers. When I followed the fear energy it was sitting there in my heart space like large gray lumps. Fear of what, I asked myself. After some searching, I knew it was related to work. All my life my work situation has been my biggest playground for doing soul work. It is often humbling but a very quick way to learn. In following the fear, I found it was not coming from any one person I worked with. This is not surprising as I work with a stellar bunch of people who are totally professional, kind and considerate. I could not have asked for a better place to work or a better situation. So where was that fear popping in? I kept following the energy.
The answer slipped into my heart and sat there waiting for me to find it. I quietly realized the fear pointed directly at me. I had always great lack of confidence in my own abilities and low self esteem following me at every job. Since this didn’t seem attached to this lifetime—again following the energy—I knew this was something karmic. If it makes no sense for this lifetime, that’s your clue it is karmic.
After making several minor changes my fear is gone. I no longer experience any of that dread or fearful feeings. I no longer fear lack of money or resources. That was an additional fear-based feeling I’d had for most of my life—pure survival. The reality is, I’ve never gone wanting, and money seems to magically show up at just the right time. It’s always just enough to get by plus a little more. Knowing this feeling had no basis in real life, I knew that was also karmic.
Due to my realization and chage of heart, all of that underlying current of fear is gone. Totally. I feel vibrant, alive and centered in all areas of life. But the change had to happen at the heart.
Dump the fear. Change the heart. Change your life in an instant.