While chatting with an old friend, I stumbled onto one of the biggest insights of my life. Something that seems so obvious to me now. Had I not had this conversation, this insight may not have been realized or verbalized. The idea would never have formed into words. Sometimes buried wisdom from years of experience and hindsight comes out in a flash while talking.
When I tell stories of my marriage—an abusive and dysfunctional relationship—it is from a distant vantage point. I find hindsight can be a wonderful gift showing me how far I’ve come, and how much I’ve learned. From this distance it’s like looking at someone else’s life. There is no pain, no regret, no negative feelings at all. Just observation. A place of deeper calm, clarity and maturity.
I always tell people, as difficult as that relationship was, it was necessary for my growth. If Dorothy had discovered her ruby slippers at the beginning of The Wizard of Oz story, she would never have gone on such a wild adventure. She would never have known her strengths, her fears. She never would have had to reach down into that deep well of inner personal strength and pull herself out to safety. She would have never truly known herself. And she would have never met all those wonderful friends along the way! I embraced that difficult time in my life as the same sort of adventure.
I related to my friend I never understood why I was so foolishly loyal in my marriage. Why did I stay well past the time I should have left? Then I realized what kept me hanging on. It was my own niggling self-doubt. Those thoughts of, “Maybe it is me at fault? Maybe I need to change? Maybe I can do something to salvage this mess? What can I do better?” Endlessly trying to make the relationship work, and endlessly filling myself with self-doubt. That kept me in a bad situation way past the time I should have left. While telling all this to my friend, the magical words came so easily…
“All my self doubts were what kept me in that relationship too long. Self-doubt is the opposite of intuition.”
Self doubt kills intuition. It does you no favors. It’s fear based and you don’t need it. Once you realize and internalize that, you have the key to unlock every door.
These days I follow my gut instinct as a way of life. I have tons of naturally occurring intuition that is like water flowing through my daily life. I have learned to recognize and use my intuitive nudges. Intuition is not only used for the big stuff, it’s for everyday use. This was the biggest positive thing that came out of a bad situation. Realizing intuition is a better, more organic way to live. And realizing self-doubt has no room in my life. I will never go there again.
Don’t let self doubt sabotage any part of your life, no matter how small. Not even when practicing self-improvement. Use your intuition instead and you will always come up with the right answer for any situation.