The other day I was on the phone with a professional from a trusted company. On the call we were dealing with a problem. These things happen. However, I felt like a steam roller went over me. I was not being listened to…at all. I could not get a syllable in edgewise. Someone at his end screwed up. Each time I tried to speak, he interrupted again with his line of thinking, and…he was scolding me! At this point I felt totally humiliated, shamed and small, with a feeling of not knowing what just happened.
I’ve been fearful about it for several days now, deep in my gut. I’m done with feeling small. Being a sensitive, an empath, these types of events affect me deeply. I think it is important to explain how I felt so others might understand and possibly connect. The feelings go way back to childhood. Being scolded when I felt I did nothing wrong. Confusion ensues. Then hiding from the world until it blew over. The triggers brought up my feelings of being ‘the invisible girl’ prevalent during my tumultuous childhood. Well I know I am an adult, but people this stuff can bug you years and years later. It’s called PTSD. Let me explain how I reversed this.
From this point forward, the onus is on me to act from a place of love, not fear. This is the point where learning and healing occurs. I admit part of the problem was me. A small part, but still I was culpable. No one is 100% guilt free. (Insurance companies, the legal system, and divorce, teaches us that there is some amount of blame to both parties.) Look for how you could have done things better. You can play the blame game all you want to no avail. That will never fix things. I certainly found some things I could have done better.
Next is to get out of my head about it. Stop being a victim and heal. I learned recently that can be done by going into my heart with heart centered actions sprinkled throughout the day. Thanks to listening to Anita Moorjani for that. For me that would be engaging in activities in nature. Perhaps a chore outside in the yard. Raking leaves, puttering, or walking around my one acre. Inside sweeping the floor or doing dishes by hand are both good ‘switch the energy’ activities. They are grounding and get me out of my head, into my heart.
Traffic is one of the very best ways to practice patience and kindness. When I find myself being grumpy behind the wheel, I mellow out and act from a base of kindness. Life feels so much better that way! I can almost see those animated songbirds from the movie Snow White appear! Since you are basically trapped in your car, (especially in a traffic jam), make it a really good experience.
I also learned from listening to Anita Moorjani something that resonated. “Things that make you feel small make your energy field small. Make your energy bigger by doing things that make you feel good!” Life is not fun when you feel shamed and small.
“Things that make you feel small make your energy field small. Make your energy bigger by doing things that make you feel good!”—Anita Moorjani
There is a saying, “The best defense is a good offense.” My best offence in this case is to be good natured to a fault. That’s done by dialing up my two old friends, Patience and Flexibility. Why did I decide those were the traits I needed? I know my Achilles heel is I tend to be stubborn. And those traits are the opposite of stubbornness. I’m trying to be more conscious of that so I can let go when I feel that tug of ‘I have to do this my way’. That old way feels safe, but may not serve me now. As a friend told me a while ago, faults can also be traits that work for you, that helped you out when times were tough. But you have to be careful when to use them. Don’t pull out a hammer when you need a saw.
Being flexible is part of letting go of stubbornness.
Flexibility admits, by nature, that the world is made up of more than just you. It has the rest of humanity built right into it. It’s about letting things go the way you didn’t want things to go, and being totally okay with the outcome. As Eckhart Tolle advises, one one of three ways on accepting a situation, especially of you can’t change it is: “Accept the situation totally, without complaint or negativity.”
In hindsight, this little kerfuffle was a gift. The gift of clear sight for me to practice patience and add a ton of flexibility to every waking moment. Perhaps living on my own and doing things my way have made me a stick in the mud after 12 years of freedom. Perhaps I’m a bit too comfy in my single life and having things go my way most of the time. I see that a lot in my fellow senior citizens. Pure stubbornness. The pendulum could swing a bit more toward center. With this fine tuning I can see clearly.
It also helps to remember that painful things come up in order to be healed. This was a healing for me. It didn’t feel good at the time but I love my new flexible outlook. It feels so good! For me this experience lead to a wonderful chain reaction of insights that will serve me going forward.
It didn’t feel good to be knocked down a few pegs, but after dusting myself off, I feel pretty good about my solution. Being flexible, and being patient, what could it hurt? Won’t that open my eyes even more on how I can bring a bigger light, a bigger energy, to the world? I think the world could use more big, sunny, bright, loving energy.
Love and light to you all ❤