Place vs person helps clear the confusion

If you have been following my blog posts, you will know I struggled with changing a relationship with a platonic friend. Things seemed to be gloomy, the energy was sticky, dark, and stagnant. I knew I had to change things. Here are observations I had after getting out of his house, and meeting him outside, or at my house, or at a restaurant, or for a walk.

Once I felt I had enough time away from my friends house, I went back after a week. On my first visit back, his place felt so awful, so dark, so heavy, I don’t know how I could have stood being there. It was a sign—and a very obvious one—that I had made the right decision. From then on my once a week visit would be outside his home to avoid the huge energy drain.

My observation about this entire process is this: Another way to see something is to separate the place from the person. I cannot stand being in his house. He is delightful, but it was not worth the stuffed head I would get about 45 minutes after going there, and it happened many days in a row. Signs from my higher self that going to his house (and so often) was no longer a good idea. Another lesson in putting myself first. Which is hard for a person who likes to give. It made me feel quite selfish. But there was truth here I was uncovering. As if this lesson was repeating for one last time.

My observation made clear to me that separating the place from the person helped me realize it was not so much my friend, as my going to his place. It was my habit that needed changing. His place was so uncomfortable. I don’t know what changed, except to say my guides and The Universe (the Me), were sending a message in a very physical way. This was helping me shift gears. When lessons are looming, the thumb screws get tightened and it makes us very uncomfortable. So much so that we are moved to action. Try not to avoid these times, they are key to learning, growth, and insight.

Now that the change and shift has happened, we are both very happy with it. Life is clearer, brighter, happier, and more copacetic. I had been spending a lot of time cocooning at his place. I also was taking care of him way too much. Time to take my hands off the steering wheel. He’d be okay without my hovering help. It was time for me to get out and about!

I’m spending more time in the community, with other people, getting out there. It’s not a tour de force effort, but starting in small bits here and there. The energy has shifted and things are changing for the good! I have never wanted to end this friendship, just change it. Now things are better. Much better.

An additional insight is, it was never him that was the problem. Something IN ME told me a shift needed to happen. I needed to get my butt out there, meeting new people, finding joy in more situations. The way that manifested was through feeling a different sort of energy I did not like. It could not be ignored, and I knew it needed addressing. That was a lesson looming so I listened to the signals.  

Weeks have gone by since starting this entry. I have a changed relationship with my friend we both greatly enjoy. I feel he does not need looking after so closely, and I can do what I need to for my own development. There is less of a parent/child relationship, and more of a relationship of mutual respect. As it should be.

If you have a situation that is making you uncomfortable, look for all the clues you can. Divide and conquer. Be a good detective. And certainly don’t throw the baby out with the bath water!

Comments are welcome. “Likes” tell me someone is listening. Love and Light, ❤ Patty

4 thoughts on “Place vs person helps clear the confusion

  1. Yay! What a wonderful shift you created. Very nice experience! I love how you are turning your possible negative situation (job loss/shift) into several good opportunities for your personal growth. And I’ve got a question to toss out there:

    You wrote: “As if this lesson was repeating for one last time.”

    I often wonder, at what point does the “lesson” stop? When is the “one last time”? I can relate to your words here, for just when I feel “I got this!”, I am soon faced with another lesson, showing that I really did not “get it”. Dang!!! Hit me with a 2×4. Right?

    I mean, obviously, when we do “pass” the lesson, rise above it and never flinch at it, is when we have Mastered it and then those lessons can end. Interesting thought….. Are you following my thought? Do you know what I mean?


    • Ren, I believe I answered this in an earlier post reply. Here it is again with changes: First to answer your last question above, there is the LEARNING, and then there is the MASTERING. Two different things.

      When I was in my marriage, a horrid place to be for many years, The La Brea Tarpit of marriages…I had the ‘lesson’ come by probably three times a week for the better part of 18 years. That’s almost 1000 weeks in 18 years. Do the math for how often the lesson presented itself. (!) I could feel it, see it, I was part of it, and was it ever frustrating and painful! Beyond words. Beyond my knowledge or understanding. When oh when would I wake up and see it, know it, embrace it? What WAS it that I was missing? How WOULD I make things better? I knew for years precipitating the divorce, that the split (or something major but bad) must come. Finding the how and why of it was maddeningly always just out of my grasp. I was what I now call foolishly loyal. I would not leave. I should have left. The lesson had not “TAKEN” yet. It is therefore my understanding that there is no set amount of time or go-rounds, or lifetimes. The only thing I can say is the lesson takes when it takes. The lesson takes when you GET What the lesson is about. If you find yourself in the same old same old, look at it yet another way, and then turn it upside down again. Do a ruthless self-inventory. Spirit does not judge. Some people never get the lesson, although presented with it thousands of times in a lifetime, or in many lifetimes. It is what it is. But what a GOOD question that is! I could write a book about it. I think one other observation is, seeing and knowing the ‘lesson’ is one thing, embracing it, accepting it, making it real, is totally another. I better get to writing that book! Sometimes the lesson comes around again SO YOU CAN FINE TUNE IT. That happens after you think you already GOT the lesson. But you realize what it is, and make tiny adjustments. I also think of it as a sort of testing phase, to see if the lesson indeed took. I’ve had that too! Suffice it to say, there is no end to our learnings.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yes, forgive please, I do ask the same questions over and over. Usually of different people for different perspectives. With all the different blogs I visit and comment on, I just do not always recall WHO I asked WHAT of. LOL
        Thank you for taking the time for your lengthy reply. I look forward to your book. Will it be published next year? (kidding)


      • Ren, never worry about asking questions, or repeats. I welcome all commentary and thoughts. Lessons that repeat are sometimes the hardest to understand “Why is this happening again? I thought I was done with this lesson?” Another reason lessons repeat is for you to see it happen and be able to stand apart. That happened to me with drama shortly after my divorce. Two friends were together with me at a hotel and spa. One friend turned out to be really demanding and a total Diva/drama queen. I literally and figuratively stood aside of the drama as it unfolded. After it happened I realized my witnessing drama again was for my benefit…to show me I could easily stand aside from it. So, the lesson repeated, with others, in front of me, for a good reason. There are myriad of reasons why things in life repeat. For learning, for tests after you learn, and for confirmation that you have it down pat, and to see from a different perspective. Perhaps even to assist others in kicking the lesson. 😉 ❤

        Liked by 1 person

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