Place vs person helps clear the confusion

If you have been following my blog posts, you will know I struggled with changing a relationship with a platonic friend. Things seemed to be gloomy, the energy was sticky, dark, and stagnant. I knew I had to change things. Here are observations I had after getting out of his house, and meeting him outside, or at my house, or at a restaurant, or for a walk.

Once I felt I had enough time away from my friends house, I went back after a week. On my first visit back, his place felt so awful, so dark, so heavy, I don’t know how I could have stood being there. It was a sign—and a very obvious one—that I had made the right decision. From then on my once a week visit would be outside his home to avoid the huge energy drain.

My observation about this entire process is this: Another way to see something is to separate the place from the person. I cannot stand being in his house. He is delightful, but it was not worth the stuffed head I would get about 45 minutes after going there, and it happened many days in a row. Signs from my higher self that going to his house (and so often) was no longer a good idea. Another lesson in putting myself first. Which is hard for a person who likes to give. It made me feel quite selfish. But there was truth here I was uncovering. As if this lesson was repeating for one last time.

My observation made clear to me that separating the place from the person helped me realize it was not so much my friend, as my going to his place. It was my habit that needed changing. His place was so uncomfortable. I don’t know what changed, except to say my guides and The Universe (the Me), were sending a message in a very physical way. This was helping me shift gears. When lessons are looming, the thumb screws get tightened and it makes us very uncomfortable. So much so that we are moved to action. Try not to avoid these times, they are key to learning, growth, and insight.

Now that the change and shift has happened, we are both very happy with it. Life is clearer, brighter, happier, and more copacetic. I had been spending a lot of time cocooning at his place. I also was taking care of him way too much. Time to take my hands off the steering wheel. He’d be okay without my hovering help. It was time for me to get out and about!

I’m spending more time in the community, with other people, getting out there. It’s not a tour de force effort, but starting in small bits here and there. The energy has shifted and things are changing for the good! I have never wanted to end this friendship, just change it. Now things are better. Much better.

An additional insight is, it was never him that was the problem. Something IN ME told me a shift needed to happen. I needed to get my butt out there, meeting new people, finding joy in more situations. The way that manifested was through feeling a different sort of energy I did not like. It could not be ignored, and I knew it needed addressing. That was a lesson looming so I listened to the signals.  

Weeks have gone by since starting this entry. I have a changed relationship with my friend we both greatly enjoy. I feel he does not need looking after so closely, and I can do what I need to for my own development. There is less of a parent/child relationship, and more of a relationship of mutual respect. As it should be.

If you have a situation that is making you uncomfortable, look for all the clues you can. Divide and conquer. Be a good detective. And certainly don’t throw the baby out with the bath water!

Comments are welcome. “Likes” tell me someone is listening. Love and Light, ❤ Patty

Guilt, you sneaky devil you!

If you were to ask me if I operated out of guilt, I would have said no way! I’m a pretty independent, thriving person. The only guilt I have would be the obvious of not visiting my mother often enough. But I would never have guessed my day-to-day decisions would have been influence by guilt. Not at all. Recently I have become more able to stand aside from it to recognize it—by shopping for dog food.

Guilt is harder to recognize than you might think. The good news is it’s almost relief to figure it out. Being recently unemployed I needed to downsize everything. My budget had to be totally redone. I can no longer afford to give to charity monthly. I cancelled photo websites, services, magazines and newspaper subscriptions. Everything non essential came off the grocery list. It was time to change from the very expensive dog food I was buying to something more reasonable.

Over and over we are told we are not a good parent if we get our pets anything cheap, or if we don’t buy them the latest doohickey. That’s B.S.! This sounds like small potatoes, but $36 savings is big. Bigger still is my new awareness of how sneaky guilt is as a driving force. I will know how to look for it in future. It slides right in there and manifests as a physical feeling in the core of my body. This insight lead me to other insights. The domino effect. That’s always a good thing when change begets change.

When it comes to my dogs, sky’s the limit. But I could no longer afford the best food. I won’t feed my dogs cheap grocery store food either, as some brands are harmful. As I went shopping for different dog food with my new out-of-work budget, I did my homework on different brands. I bought a brand that is grain free, highly rated, but affordable. I’m totally happy with the switch. It was as large a bag as my old brand, and almost $18 cheaper! That’s almost $36 a month savings, and the dogs love it.

It occurred to me that I don’t have to give them the very best brand. It certainly doesn’t hurt, but I realized in a flash as I drove home it was guilt that drove me to do what the commercial world tells me is best for my pet. Guilt! Such a sneaky thing I didn’t even realize that was the driving force. I was so shocked to realize the expensive dog food I was buying for years was a guilt based action. Me? Really? Hmmmm. I would have sworn on a stack of bibles that I was not driven in any way by guilt.

After the dog food shopping incident, I realized in a flash the feelings of losing my horse Silver were also mostly guilt based. It struck me like lightning. I though I was the reason he left. Maybe I had not kept his water clean enough for him to drink? What did I do wrong? And why was I punishing myself with pain and guilt all this time? I couldn’t even think of my horse without getting a lump in my throat. I realized that was not just sorrow, but guilt as the driving force. It was so freeing to realize I was not the reason my horse died. In an instant I was able to release my feelings of Silver and let him go. Guilt is terrible at helping you punish yourself needlessly. It’s freeing to be rid of those feelings.

If in doubt, ask yourself what you do out of guilt. Trying to please others too much is guilt based. I’ve been a big people pleaser for many years, and overly so. Think doormat. That mindset is one of almost pure guilt married with trying too hard to be accepted. If the guilt involves your parents or kids, I assume there is going to be some guilt there that may be normal. That’s not what I’m talking about. Doing what we feel invisibly pushed to do can be out of a sense of guilt. It sneaks under the radar. My experience shopping for dog food taught me it can be there, subtly, in the background, driving daily decisions.

Try and find where you might be experiencing guilt as a subtle driving force, and kick it out of your life. Begin to recognize those vibes and pay attention to what really drives you to act.

Comments are welcome. “Likes” tell me someone is listening. Love and Light, ❤ Patty

A new landscape: Big picture vs. small details

The dreams we weave on what could happen next are all in Big Picture mode. We get excited making things happen in our head, and it is the start of manifesting a new life. This is good! You should have dreams and goals. When details come filtering in, it must shift to a certain amount of day-to-day reality. It does not mean the dream ends. Not at all. But there is a certain shifting of the sails that has to happen for that dream to manifest. I’m in the middle of that now. This is where the good stuff, the hard stuff, the fun stuff happens.

My emotional line chart would look like a huge zig-zag. Up, down, up, down, up, down. It has been about two weeks since I was laid off. The up-downs get smaller in scope as time goes by as I get used to my new situation. I feel exhausted and numbed, despite my good attitude. I’ve added a day during the week where I will be out of touch with all electronic devices. The day will be spent at the local hot springs, taking long walks with happy dogs, and puttering. For me getting outside and working with my hands is extremely satisfying and grounding. Getting myself out of my head, and into my heart.

I can see the value of support groups. How do we process it all? What are the effects and how should I deal with them to stop from being on the negative slippery slope? At times I feel elated to be free, and have a chance at a totally new life. A person can easily reinvent themselves because the worst has happened.

Other times it feels like a tightening of my throat in fear of having to find work at the age of 61. I live 42 miles from town, and I can’t do that commute any more. No can do. I find myself day dreaming of working locally. I’d love to be a receptionist or file clerk, for half my old salary. And as long as I get benefits, if it is an easy drive, I’d be totally happy to downsize my working footprint. Happy to dump the corporate world after over 40 years. 

Social Security and 401K seems to be on everyone’s lips as my salvation. I’m too young for either of those to work out, but believe me I did my homework on both. Social Security seems like an easy out, but it’s not near enough to live on. Watch that you don’t opt for it early or you can screw yourself later. If I can wait until I am 65 or 70, I am assured to have enough to get by on. 401K doesn’t last forever either. I have run the numbers, and you should too if you are ever in my position.

All these financial investigations help fine tune what is next. I must run the numbers to not be in a panic. I won’t stick my head in the sand. I know other folks are not like that. They dream bigger than I do, and they have more trust than I do. It is my belief that knowing where you stand financially helps ground you so you can fly on the wings of The New and The Now.

Those two worlds, the here and now on earth, and the world of dreams you want to manifest—you must manage both.

—Patty Daley

Incarnating into a body on the earth is a special place we have come to do our work. It’s essential to know the reality of what you need to live. That means adjusting to the day-to-day realities of life in 3D. Surviving, living, and taking care of an aging body are all part of it. I believe this is under the heading of Small Details. It helps support the Big Picture so don’t ignore it.

My landscape is changing. I know in my bones it is for a much more positive, truer-to-me life that is being manifested. As things change in this unknown part of the journey, I must adjust my sails and at the same time keep my eye on the horizon. That’s the lesson here. My goals are out there. They are a bit out of focus and far away, but they are there calling to me. I feel elated! Jazzed! Pumped! 

Learn to ride the waves! Do not lose hope, should you find yourself in the bottom of a swell of waves. Times seem tougher when all you can see are tall mountains of water on either side of you. But when you are on crest of the next wave, moving forward, that’s where all the work you did while in the trough comes into sharp focus. That’s where you have your goals in sight, and things are peachy keen. Life is about both ups and downs. Learn to ride the waves! (Scroll down to Riding the Peaks and Valleys.)

Comments are welcome. “Likes” tell me someone is listening. Love and Light, ❤ Patty

When dreams rise to the top

Many times over the years I have yearned to be out of the corporate workplace. When frustrated I would have dreams of switching to something more healing focused, like doing massage, Reiki, or physical therapy. Anything but sitting behind a computer in an atmosphere of push, push, push to make the bottom line. I spent 35 years as a graphic designer and seven as a coding supervisor pushing data around. It was not heart centered work, but I loved the people I worked with. We were all very lovely people, committed to the work and to each other.

Over the years, I joked with people that if I found myself out of work, I’d do something simple like work in a greenhouse, or shovel horse poop at a stables, just earning enough to get by. The problem with those fantasies of jumping the corporate ship were many. Especially if I wanted to leave to pursue a business of my own. My thoughts were always “I can’t leave my day job. What will I do for health insurance? How will I start the business? How would I survive until my business got going enough to pay my bills?” The realities of living that dream life come into stark focus when you lose your day job.

When you face the realities of life without that security blanket of a regular paycheck, two things happen. Of course, you freak out. It happens and you have to wrap your mind around the hows of getting by. Even with something as lovely as severance package of a few months cushion, there is panic and scrambling. A lot of scrambling. But after that subsides a bit, something wonderful happens…


Once the $hit hits the fan, your dreams can rise to the top.

—Patty Daley

Your dreams float to the top, rising out of the muck of all those worries and fears. Because the worst of the ‘what if’ of it all has already happened. You no longer have that day job as income, or as an anchor. Choose which way you want to look at it. It is over and you must say your gracious goodbyes. That chapter of your life is gone. As for the new stuff, Spirit won’t give you any more than you can handle.

Now you are free to sift through the smaller day-to-day details of following that dream, no longer anchored by the ‘what if I quit my day job’ worries. I’m pretty sure this is not only good news, but a huge green light. Attitude of Gratitude peeps. So far I like being on the other side. Dreams come into sharper focus, and are much more attainable. As I like to say, “The world is my clam!”

Comments are welcome. “Likes” tell me someone is listening. Love and Light, ❤ Patty

What a difference a day makes!

Within a 24-hour period a job I had, and loved, for over 16 years ended. I went from being employed to…semi-retired. From relatively financially comfortable to Oh No! My day yesterday was 95% Yippee Yahoo and 5% Oh $hit. I went in to clean out my desk and say goodbye to beloved coworkers. They seemed sad as they hugged me, and I assured them I was more worried about them, than about myself. I was going to retire! And my former co-workers had to band together and pick up the slack and make the company chug forward, as a third of the company was let go. That’s a huge task. But they are a small group of very committed and talented people.

I came away with a part time freelance job, a nice severance package, hugs and well wishes from everyone including the owner of the company, who I have always liked, and a feeling of complete and total freedom! I also visited the Social Security office, will visit the Medicaid office, see about my 401k, do a new set of monthly bills for the time period after the severance package ends, and see about early retirement!

I left the building with a coveted antique wall weaving (hand knotted from Egypt) that the owner gave me as a parting gift. He heard I loved it although I never told him that. And it landed square in my lap! I also got a beautiful rust colored skirt and top complete with hand embroidery and turquoise stones stitched in it that a co-worker was giving to charity. When she saw me go by she said “Here! Maybe you would like this!” Score! I also apparently had squirreled away tons of chocolate in my desk that happily found a corner of my fridge at home to live in.

I was so out of body, mixed emotions about a short and unexpected goodbye from a place that had become like home to me. I had run all my errands in town and was free as a bird. I got home, unpacked my belongings and was so utterly spent I could hardly stand up. I felt elated, dizzy, tired, exhausted, happy, thrilled, and could feel new possibilities hovering around me like angels dancing above my head.

A friend had invited me to help work out her horses that afternoon, and I said I’d come by, even in my exhausted state. Wisely she instructed me to sit and watch her work out the horses. Being so out of body is not a good time to ride. But it helped me to watch the gentle cadence of all that unfolded. The thoughtful, rhythmic brushing of the horse, walking for warm up, and her riding which was like watching a ballet unfold, horse and rider as one. After we chatted for half an hour and, of course, my friend knew this was also much needed. I was given big hugs by her, and her husband with the phrase “Welcome to your life!” and “Welcome to the real world!”

I went to bed early in my exhausted state. The next morning I woke up, opened the front door to let the dogs out, and noticed I had left my car/home keys IN the front door all night! I must have been so out of it.

This morning finds me more back to Patty normal, with a plan of action in mind. Do that bills scenario for the next year, meditate, walk the dogs, and talk to good friends. AFTER that first cup of coffee! Priorities you know. 😉

May all your lemons turn into lemonade as fast as mine have. Life is indeed good!

Comments are welcome. “Likes” tell me someone is listening. Love and Light, ❤ Patty

Dream that foretold events

Last night I had another dream about wanting a divorce and separating from a situation. I am divorced over 11 years and it feels good. But I thought I was over these types of dreams of release. I have felt the relief over and over of being out of that situation. (Well, relief like that never gets old.) I guess I had more to process. Or so I thought.

In the dream I am wearing conservative work clothing, but I am at home. I ask for the divorce and I want the separation. (There is no one in the room oddly.) I am granted my wish and I am relieved it has happened. There is a web-cam high on the wall and I cover it up, not wanting any more contact. It is done. Finally I am able to spend more time with my dogs and I am on my own once again. The dogs and I go into my room, close the door. We are all feeling reserved but also very relieved. Life is good and will get better. (Big grin.) End of dream.

At one point this morning, working from home, my email account closed down. This type of connectivity hiccup happens frequently so I was not surprised. However the message was a bit different. “Your gmail account has been deactivated.” Uh oh number one. Better call into work and see if they are messing around with new software or accounts. I have heard just yesterday they were switching things around. I call in and talk to the office manager, a friend of almost 17 years. I ask to talk to the IT guys, explaining to the office manager that I can’t get to my email. I can hear the CFO in the background saying “Tell her someone will call her right back.” Uh oh number two. About thirty seconds later my boss calls. BIG uh oh. I know what is coming. Oddly I feel fine.

My boss, a compassionate hard working woman, is crying so hard she can hardly talk. I feel for her. She tells me things have been hard at the company lately, and she has been going to bat for us for a long time trying to avoid this day. I say “Let me say it for you. I don’t have a job anymore.” She confirms I have been laid off after more than sixteen years. My boss and I talk about the details and I find myself comforting her. She should not carry this weight around and I feel complete and total relief at the news. I loved working there, the environment, the people. I felt like I was working out a soul contract with the owner and other people there. But I was tired and wanted to retire some time ago. Since I work for a very small company, this does not bode well for those that remain. I have dodged a huge bullet.

I hang up, and oddly my work ethic is to get back to work. I’m in the middle of a job and I want to finish it and email the owner of the company to check my work so we can publish what I have been working on. I go back to my computer and realize….where is my email? Oh, wait…I don’t have a job anymore. YIPPEE! I run out the door, hands raised and say “Free at last. Free at last!” I am ebullient, euphoric, and happy. I feel that 1,000 lb. weight has been lifted off my shoulders. At the age of 61 I reflect back on having been in the work force since the age of 14. At times I have had more than one job, while attending full time college. I have a good work ethic, and enjoy having my nose to the grindstone. I love being of service.

But now it is time for a bit of a rest. A time to regroup, rest, and heal. I have a severance package of a few months, three weeks of vacation pay, and may do ‘early retirement’ if at all possible. Health insurance…well that will be a tough one, but I have some resources for that. All my actions over many months to cut down websites, costs, sell items I no longer use—it all comes into sharp focus now. By a happy accident, I have many months worth of an expensive drug I cannot be without for even a day. The planets seem to have been aligning all this time.

I am not worried. I have many skills. Many ways I can package myself if needed. I am an excellent organizer, can clean hoarder houses, I can set up and help people with doing their monthly expenses, and help by supporting them in almost any way. I have been a graphic artist for over 30 years, but hope to not have to pick up that skill at this point in my life. I’d rather work at a greenhouse, a grocery store, or a stables shoveling poop. I want to work outside, if I work at all. I could do tarot readings, teach people about their intuitive skills, or how to dump drama. There is much I have studied and learned in my life on the planet.

Right now, I will spend a few months eating well, taking care of my body, and relaxing. My home and car are paid for long ago. I’ll go to the SS office next week. I will apply for Cobra and get my finances in ship shape order. All is well. My dogs are thrilled that I can kick that old basketball around the yard all day along. They are all for this new change. 😉

It’s like that dream I had last night. The work clothes were a big clue. So was the web-cam, as that is how I have daily meetings remotely. So is the ‘person’ I ask for the divorce from…they were not in the room. I was alone at home when I got the news. A breaking off from a long relationship. A huge relief, and a new beginning, with happy dogs spending more time with me. It’s all there.

To sum it up nicely, one of my brothers texted me after he heard the news, and I feel this says it best, “Congratulations on your promotion!”

Comments are welcome. “Likes” tell me someone is listening. Love and Light, ❤ Patty

Cut the ties that bind, even though you loved them.

In December I started the Spring clean up, throwing out, and general re-org of pretty much everything in my life. I do this about every six months. The KonMarie method was new and I wanted to try it. As a result I made some big discoveries. I decided to sell my glass bead making torch, tools, all glass, the whole enchilada. That was a huge step for me. I’ve been at that hobby for almost 17 years. But in the last few years I had not been at the torch much. My studio was in an old building on my property where silt and dust collected daily. You can’t work with glass and sand and dirt. Should I ever want to take up this wonderful hobby again, I would get new equipment, a different torch, and work in a larger format.

Continue reading